Queens v Presidents

Johann Hari, columnist for the UK's Independent and republican (as in the form of government, not the American political party) has seen the upcoming Royal Wedding and is less than pleased.

The tiresome debate over monarchy versus republic tends to emerge whenever the Monarchy in the UK has a wedding, a funeral, a whatever and it's usually the province of a vocal minority or hardcore Laborite Tony Benn- it's always kind of amusing to watch it from all the way over here. I mean, are Presidents really all that they're cracked up to be? Is picking a head of state really all that important- especially when your head of state is a ceremonial figurehead who, by the way, brings in a shitload of tourist money, every single year?

My ties to the United Kingdom are through blood and birth and apart from what I expect is going to be a lifelong habit of pronouncing blueberry 'bluebury' I'm fairly Americanized at this point, yet still, I think- and as pompous as this sounds- retain enough knowledge of my homeland to bring a somewhat unique perspective to the question.

Me: I'm all about the monarchy. Britain has a perfectly functional, healthy parliamentary democracy that has served it well for 4 centuries now- so why rock the boat? Why is it so damn important to have a President and be a Republic? America has the dubious honor of 'picking its own head of state' every four years- and you know what- I'll tell all these diehard anti-monarchists a tiny little secret: we always fuck it up.

Should the British Monarchy pay taxes? Damn straight it should. Should it, in a perfect world not cost British taxpayers a dime? Again, damn straight it should. Should it perhaps let go of some of the more stuffy, anachronistic traditions (does Prince Charles really need a servant to put toothpaste on his toothbrush? Really?) I think so. But ultimately, the monarchy represents something that America doesn't have and never will have: respect for history.

That's why I secretly love the monarchy. It's the tradition. It's the history of it- and although I don't watch the fawning, eye-roll inducing media coverage the Royals get over here, I gotta respect the institution. It's as British as tea, crumpets, soccer and Winston Churchill. Can they be modernized? Yes- and I expect Prince William will do that when he gets his chance. But I can't imagine Britain as a Republic of any kind. It's just too weird. And why does everyone want to be like America anyway? Our system of government is our worst export and having- and selecting Presidents is not all it's cracked up to be.