The Great Book Moratorium of 2013

My backlog of book has reached crisis proportions. Therefore, I'm declaring my first ever MORATORIUM! (Gasp!) Basically, I gotta get through this stack of books THIS YEAR before I buy anymore.*

Book wise, I'm in a weird place right now. I haven't found any fiction OR science fiction/fantasy that's caught my interest lately. With the publication of the final (FINAL) volume of The Wheel of Time, I'm starting to get that itch to maybe take a run at all seventeen or thirty or however many volumes it is. Or maybe Anne McCaffery. I'm getting that itch again too-- but in the meantime, I'm seriously excited about my Christmas gem India After Gandhi by Ramachandra Guha. Hailed as the first major study of the history of post-independence India I'm seriously dorking out about it.

*Except for comic books or bound comic book collections- I've got some volumes of the Bloom County Collection I need to acquire.

2,906 Miles Update #2

October: 19
November: 19
December: 21

YEAR END TOTAL: 59

Which means, my map looks something like this...

My fitness goals for the new year remain the same. Eat less, exercise, lose weight- and I'd really like to get serious about running a 5K next fall. The quest for 2,906 miles... CONTINUES!

This Week In Vexillology #9

I'm throwing everyone a curveball this week and digging a little deeper into the collection and bringing a provincial flag into the mix. Take a bow Canucks fans because with no hockey being played, I figured the grand old province of British Columbia could use a shout-out.

I've got to say, the provincial flags of Canada show a lot more creativity than many state flags in the United States and British Columbia is probably my favorite of the bunch. Adopted in 1960, British Columbia's flag is an armorial banner based off it's Coat of Arms which were grated in 1906. The sun placed over the heraldic waters represents the province's position on the West Coast.

An armorial banner you say? Well then, what does British Columbia's Coat of Arms look like? Behold:

You can see that most of the flag's symbolism is drawn from the shield itself. Though the crest (at the very top) is the Queen's Royal Crest- differentiated with a garland of Pacific Dogwood, the provincial flower. The supporters are a wapiti (or elk stag) and a bighorn sheep which represent the mainland and Vancouver Island which united to form the province in 1866. Finally, the motto: Splendor Sine Occasu or Splendor Without Diminishment.

So there you have it- ladies and gentlemen: British Columbia!

Until next time keep your flags flying- freak or otherwise!

'This Is 40' --A Review

Went with the Missus to see Judd Apatow's latest film, This Is 40 yesterday and after sleeping on it, I'm still not entirely sure what to think of this movie. It was genuinely funny in parts, genuinely annoying in others but at the core of it remained the nice, sweetness- as with all Apatow's films I suppose.

This Is 40 chronicles a week in the life of Pete (Paul Rudd) and Debbie (Leslie Mann) that couple that featured somewhat in Knocked Up and who just seemed to rail on each other all the damn time when they were in that movie. That continues in this movie- they're both turning 40 in the same week and Debbie doesn't want to be 40. Pete is trying to hold his business together and support his kind of useless, moochy father (Albert Brooks) while trying to raise their kids Charlotte (Iris Apatow) and Sadie (Maude Apatow). Eventually, all the pressures get to them both and they just about crack before they realize that in fact, they do love each other quite a bit.

That's essentially the movie in a nutshell. They're both grappling with looming middle age, they've both got Daddy issues (Debbie's Dad played by the always awesome John Lithgow divorced her Mom when she was very young. Super abandonment thing going on) and for a lot of the movie, you're left scratching your head as to how these two have actually made it as far as they have. Debbie's got a boutique clothing store of some kind- but somebody either Jody (Charlene Yi) or Dessie (Megan Fox) is stealing from her to the tune of $12,000. Pete started his own record label that promotes obscure bands from the 70s that nobody cares about and seems frustrated when these albums don't in fact sell and/or make money. (Lena Dunham, Jason Segal and Melissa McCarthy all show up too at various points throughout the movie. Sort of an Apatow-reunion, I guess.)

But they love each other. That's what makes this all work somehow- despite the fact they both know exactly how to be as unpleasant as possible to each other in the way only married people can, I guess. They go to a therapist. They struggle with issues. (Interesting commentary on the older generation: both their parents had, in fact, started second families later in life. I sensed a spicy bouquet of disapproval about this, the way it was portrayed- especially with Pete's Dad, played by Albert Brooks. Who ended up with three kids and is unemployed. I mean, WTF- these people should know how it works. Go and get a damn job. Support your family. Or at least engage with your family. Brooks plays the stuffy, older generation, 'that's not what I do' type of a parent to perfection.)

Overall: I'm still not sure how to feel about this movie. There were genuinely funny moments and I think some hard truths about marriage and how hard it can be sometimes- even though Pete and Debbie may not be outstanding of the most functional marriage on Earth (I mean, why don't you just fess up and be honest with each other? Communication is key and these two don't communicate.) I'd say ** 1/2 out of ****. It's funny and sweet but you're just sort of left with this feeling of 'what is the point of all this?'

'The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey' --A Review

Our Christmas movie this year (and probably for the next two years- apologies in advance to the Missus) was The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey (hereafter known as The Hobbit 1, because I don't want to keep typing the whole title out.) We had a minor crisis with the movie at first- as whatever website we checked had apparently said 12:15 and we had gotten there in time to find out that no such showing apparently existed. We made a nice recovery and got tickets for the 1:00 3D showing instead which excited me a little bit.

The Hobbit 1 (and 2 and 3, I think) were filmed in a higher frame speed (48 FPS- not sure how that works now that everything's digital) which apparently makes the quality extremely high and make it look extremely realistic and that frame speed was supposed to (at least according to the interwebs) make the movie look even more amazing in 3D. I'm happy to report that it did so! This was probably the best 3D I've ever seen. It was subtle- so elves, orcs, rocks, whatever weren't constantly flying out of the screen at you. However, the one criticism I've heard of it is that it makes things just a little too real and makes things seem a little artificial sometimes. I would only say that there were a couple of points where it made things seem like a movie set- but I didn't care because it was a fantabulous looking movie set.

So, the movie: kids, I have to say, I was dubious going in- and I'm only marginally less dubious now. The Hobbit, although I love that book dearly, is not a lot of book. The Lord of The Rings, taken as one volume is one hell of a doorstop- The Hobbit is not. So getting three movies out of the source material seemed like a hefty undertaking and Peter Jackson just about pulls it off in the first movie.

For those that don't know- this is essentially being set as a the prequel to The Lord of the Rings movies telling the story of Bilbo Baggins (Martin Freeman), a Hobbit far too comfortable in his life who gets picked to be the 14th member of a company bent on reclaiming the dwarf kingdom of Erebor from the dragon Smaug. Their leader, Thorin Oakenshield (Richard Armitage) is the Prince of that lost realm and having lived in exile for many years is ready to reclaim his home. (Joining him are: Bifur, Bofur, Bombur, Dwalin, Balin, Dori, Nori, Ori, Fili, Kili, Oin and Gloin- and of course, Gandalf.)

Appropriately enough, The Hobbit 1 get it's characters about a third of the way there, I'd reckon. Bilbo and Company leave The Shire, have an encounter with some trolls, get chased by orcs and wargs before encountering another wizard of Gandalf's order, Radagast The Brown (Sylvester McCoy) who has some news for Gandalf. (More on that later.) They make it to Rivendell where Gandalf is summoned to a meeting of The White Council while the dwarves make a break for the mountains where they eventually get captured by goblins- though Bilbo gets separated and ends up in a duel of riddles with none other than Gollum- he also, funnily enough, finds a ring. (Dum dum dummmmmmmm!)

After one last go-round with the orcs, our heroes get rescued from burning pine trees by the Eagles and finally catch a glimpse of their destination, still far ahead of them- and Smaug wakes up.

Overall: The Hobbit 1 hovers on the edge of true greatness but doesn't quite get there. I don't think the three hour running time was fully justified. (I mean we have a whole sub-plot with Azog the Defiler and multiple fight scenes/running away from orcs. Then we get the same damn thing with the goblins under the mountain. Little bit of overkill, I think- and I wish the goblins had been portrayed with a wee bit more menace than they were. I remember those goblins being downright mean and nasty.) The movie nicely establishes where The Hobbit movies are going to stand in relation to the Lord of the Rings Trilogy- and I didn't mind whole subplot with The Necromancer (really Sauron, just not powerful yet) and Radagast since that was drawn from the insane amounts of appendices and excess source material of the books.

I did love, love, LOVE the music! The dwarves and the plates and singing the dirge for their homeland was awesome. There's so much poetry and music in the books- all of them, including The Lord of the Rings that gets cut out so it was nice to see it in the movie. They also nail the Riddles In The Dark with Gollum- they just hit that one out of the park. One of the iconic chapters of the book- if not in the genre of fantasy as a whole. But, kids, I'd say *** out of **** though. It was good- maybe even really good. But I don't think it justified its three hour running time and it felt like it was three hours at several points. I'm a little worried about the next two movies but I'm willing to give them a chance.

Bookshot #58: Double Cross

Double Cross: The True Story of the D-Day Spies really should be a movie. Having finished it, I can think of no other conclusion other than it is tailor made for Hollywood to screw up somehow. (I still haven't forgiven Hollywood's horrific revisionism of U-571*.) The story of the British spies that played the most dangerous high stakes game of World War II in decieving the Germans as to the true date and location of the D-Day Landings, this book gives the unsung heros who worked with British intelligence their due and author Ben McIntyre spins a masterful, richly detailed tale of the web of deceit they wove and just how far it carried them.

Beginning with Agent Tricycle (Duskan Popov, a Yugoslavian businessman) and building up through Agent Garbo (Juan Pujol, a Catalan chicken farmer), Agent Bronx (Elvira Chaudoir, a bisexual heiress to a Peruvian Guano fortune with a gambling addiction. Seriously- I'm not making this up) Agent Treasure (a Frenchwoman who almost blew everything sky high because of the love of her dog and Agent Brutus (a Pole who had set up his own network of spies for the Allied Cause in Occupied France, was betrayed, agreed to double cross the British and promptly got to London and became a triple agent against the Germans) a capable and talented team of MI-5 Agent quietly rounded up every German agent in the UK and turned most of them- making them double agents.

That would be cool enough- but MI-5 quickly realized that, if played correctly, they could decieve the Germans into any number of things- and, as what the Germans thought were double agents needed money to carry out their missions, they could get the German government to pay for it as well. (Seriously cool.) But as plans for the invasion of Europe gathered pace, everyone soon realized that the true potential for this team of spies was to fool the Germans into thinking that the invasion was coming anywhere BUT Normandy- which they did and then some.

Not only did the Double Cross team thoroughly misdirect the German High Command (possible invasion sites were the Calais area, Bordeaux, Norway, the South of France or some combination of all of the above) but they managed to keep the Germans locked down in Calais for an expected second landing for nearly two weeks after D-Day (Eisenhower had wanted two days- by the time two weeks had passed it was far too late.) One of the most elaborate deceptions in history got seriously crazy when they concocted not one but two entirely fake armies- (one in Scotland, one in SE England- they gave Patton command of that one) and had an actor impersonating General Montgomery be seen in North Africa ostensibly preparing for an invasion of Southern France.

It's a fascinating, gripping tale marked by near disasters (Agent Treasure, whose beloved dog Babs had to be left behind to his fate (he got run over, poor guy) when she went to Britain came up with a control signal to send back to her German handler if she had ever been turned- to get revenge on MI-5 for abandoning her furry friend) and some truly scary moments (Agent Artist, a German Aberwehr officer who was turned later on was kidnapped, taken back to Berlin and subject to interrogation. He knew everything- and never broke. He vanished after the war, fate unknown- to this day) before pulling off the intelligence coup of the war in the run up and after D-Day.

Of all these agents, the most fascinating one to me was Agent Garbo- the chicken farmer who wanted to be a double agent, fed the Germans what was essentially made up information to get in with them and ended up spinning some truly elaborate tales for them working for the British. At one point, his network of entirely fictitious spies included a group of devoted Welsh Fascists who dreamt of bringing Nazism to the vallies of Wales.

OVERALL: This is a gripping, fascinating, totally readable book. If you think history is boring- think again. **** out of ****.

*U-571 was a turd of a film released about ten-twelve years ago now in which Matthew McConaughey and a crew of Americans hijacked a U-Boat during WWII to recover one of the fabled Enigma machines. Americans had absolutely nothing to do with it- horrible, horrible revisionism and distortion. Still annoys me to this day.

30 For 30: The Home Stretch

Couple of changes for the Home Stretch... #8 was originally an ambitious road trip to Winnipeg (Canada, eh?) To watch either the Jets or the Blue Bombers play. The NHL Lockout changed that one. (Ironically, I doubt I'll ever make it to a Super Bowl but a Grey Cup? More achievable than you'd think.) #19 was attending a Premier League game but by the time we get over there in May, their season will be done. So I've replaced that one with the goal of going and seeing an Iowa Away Game somewhere. I've seen a few people do this on Facebook this year and it looks like a lot of fun. (Top football choices: The Horseshoe, The Big House, Camp Randall, Beaver Stadium. Basketball choices: The Barn, Assembly Hall.)

I'm also pondering invocation of the Millennium Clause. As all the world knows it was technically 2001 that marked the first year of the new Millennium. Under the same logic, I could technically argue that list could include my year of being 30 but part of me feels like that would be cheating...

1. Finish My Novel
2. Get Another Tattoo
3. Publish My Novel (conventionally would be preferred, but I might be open to Kindle.)
4. Get Something Pierced Again... (I'm thinking labret. Thoughts anyone?)
5. Get Contacts Again (Eye appointment on Monday! Hopefully this will be done SOON.)
6. Go Skydiving
7. Go to a Twins Game
8. Let's keep our hockey expectations grounded: Roughriders, Mavericks or Gophers game.
9. Visit All 50 States (or failing all 50, get to the lower 48 at least.)
10. Lose 30 to 40 pounds... (whatever gets me back down to the 190-200 range- and maintain it!)
11. Run a 5k
12. Attend Trekfest! (Something I've never done, despite being a fan of Star Trek!)
13. Go to a Music Festival... (either 80/35 or Lollapalooza? Farm Aid?)
14. Attend the Iowa Caucuses. (I've never actually done this. I did it in Minnesota, but not Iowa.)
15. Finish all 4,532 pages (and 12 volumes) of Winston Churchill's 'The Second World War'
16. Read something by Faulkner- and understand it.
17. Re-read The Catcher in the Rye and The Great Gatsby- and try and appreciate them.
18. Read 'Dune' and understand it... (or kind of enjoy it, maybe?)
19. I'd like to see an Iowa away game somewhere.
20. Attend a Major League Soccer game.
21. Attend a Civil War Re-Enactment/Commemorations of the 150th Anniversary of the War
22. Expand our backyard patio, put in a pergola and a fire pit
23. Finish off our bathroom, re-floor and repaint our master bedroom
24. Go back to Europe- Spain, Portugal, England, Ireland, Scotland, France, Greece and Cyprus are all on my wish list.
25. Become a father- I know this is dependent on any number of factors beyond my control, but I think trying should be a lot of fun... ;-)

26. Learn How To Make Bread from Scratch
27. Become a good amateur bartender
28. I'd like to take my wife on a real honeymoon
29. Improve my foreign language skills
30. I'd like to save up and get a subscription to The Economist. Probably the best news magazine out there.

Supremely Flabbergasting Facepalm

The Iowa Supreme Court has managed to completely astonish me today. I'd seen a few things floating around the Interwebs about The Case of the Irresistable Worker but hadn't taken the time to read them until today and, well, wow. Color me astonished. Talk about a flabbergasting facepalm from our high court...

But first: The Iowa Supreme Court is pretty bad-ass and they've had a long history of being bad-ass which is what makes this decision so astonishing to me. In 1839- they're very first decision, right out of the gate, they ruled that a slave named Ralph became free as soon as he set foot on Iowa soil. 26 years before the end of the Civil War. They were a whopping 85 years ahead of the US Supreme Court in rejecting separate but equal schools (1868)- they were 91 years ahead of the Supremes in ruling against racial discrimination in public accomodations (1873). Iowa was the first state to let women practice law- because of the Iowa Supreme Court, we repealed our anti-misegenation law in 1851 and became the first state in the Midwest to legalize gay marriage with the Varnum Decision in 2009.

In short, the Iowa Supreme Court has traditionally and proudly found itself on the side of what's good, right and sensible more often than not. Which makes this case pretty astounding.

The Case? Basically, a Dental Assistant up in Webster County. by all accounts a good employee and had been for ten years, got fired because she was 'too irresistable' and the Dentist, her boss, feared that he might start an affair with her. By a unanimous decision, the State Supreme Court said that was AOK, because the decision was motivated by 'feelings and emotions' and a 'genuine desire to save his marriage' and not by gender.

WTF? No, seriously- read the article. And then read this one too and then say it with me: W. T. F.

Of course this Dentist is covering himself in the shroud of 'family values' and trying to hide behind the notion that he was genuinely concerned about the health of his marriage but speaking as a male who lives in this state I'm downright insulted and I feel infantilized and discriminated against because his argument, it's a load of horseshit and anyone with a lick of common sense would see that.

Basically, Mr. Pervy Dentist is saying 'I can't keep my dick in my pants, so you're fired.' If you, a grown-ass man, can't control your damn dick, then I don't even know what to say to you. If you're marriage is that unhappy you think you want to have an affair, get help. Don't blame it on your junk.

Instead, Our State Supreme Court in its wisdom has pretty much said, 'yeah, dudes can't control their dicks sometimes. They just run wild and crazy and get stuck wherever- so if there's a chance your penis could run wild, then it's OK to fire someone.'

Plus, this woman's right: this wouldn't have happened if she would have been male. Or if it would have, this case would be a lot more interesting/scandalous. It's a sad, sad day for this state when an argument that basically boils down to the lyrics of a Robert Palmer song can sway the State Supreme Court.

This Week In Vexillology #8

No, it's not part of Joseph's Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat and you'll never guess what country it's from- but get your tongues ready for twisting because Sally will be selling sea shells in... you guessed it- The Seychelles!

Seychelles is a chain of islands that are located off of the east coast of Tanzania. They became independent from France in 1976 and originally had this flag:

This one only lasted a year until a coup d'etat brought the Seychelles People's United Party to power. The red and the blue in this flag represented both the old Democratic Party (blue and white) the new People's United Party (red and white) and the British and French that once ruled the island. With the coup d'etat, the flag changed to this:

This was a variant on the old flag of the Seychelles Peoples United Party which included a rising sun- but that was removed once they came to power because the sun of freedom now shone over the whole country. The red in the flag stands for progress and revolution, the green for earth and agriculture and the wavy bar for the waves that bathe the islands' beaches and the resources the country draws from the Indian Ocean.

This flag last until 1996 when multi-party elections were once again allowed. You can see in the picture above that the red, white and green was retained- colors of the SPUP while the blue and yellow of the Democratic Party were added with the resumption of multi-party elections in the country. The current flag was adopted on January 8th, 1996 for national and civil usage.

Honestly, the Seychelles is one of of my favorite flags. It catches your attention and while other countries might get caught up in symbols, I like the fact that their national flag has evolved solely through the use of colors. (Somewhat like South Africa's new flag as well.) (It's capital and largest city is Victoria, by the way.)

Ladies and Gentlemen: Seychelles!

And until next time, keep your flags flying- freak or otherwise!

The Facepalm of Facepalms

I don't know what I was expecting but I wasn't expecting this. The NRA had scheduled a press conference for today to discuss the awful tragedy in Newtown last week and it became quickly apparent that they weren't in the mood to back sane, sensible gun regulations. Instead they blamed:

Video Games
Hollywood
Congress
The Media
(I'm sure the usual suspects of socialism, communism and the courts were also in there as well.)

And, to top this shiny nugget of goodness off, they called for an armed guard to be placed in every school in America.

I'm still trying digest that last part.

But fine... yes, you can blame Congress. Though a good point was made somewhere on the interwebs: we can have a national database of mentally ill people but not of people who own firearms? Hmmmmmmmmm... little bit of a cognitive disconnect there. Crazy people have rights too, you know... but blaming Congress is like blaming an incontinent, eighteen year old cat for pissing on your carpet. It's just too easy.

So, video games/Hollywood? I'm afraid Conservatives (including the NRA) always get this wrong. Video games and violent movies are just part of the joys of the free market. If violence in video games and movies made no money, Hollywood/the gaming industry wouldn't make 'em- it's as simple as that. So you can have a 'free market' or you can complain about violent video games. You can't do both. NEXT!

The media? This is a little closer to the mark. The hyper-sensationalism of stuff like this only turns mass murderers into celebrities and encourages the next crazy person to start makin' plans. Plus, sticking cameras into the faces of those kids? Irresponsible and downright appaulling. The general shittiness/rushing to judgement/factual errors that have followed this story from the beginning? Absolutely inexcusable. If we can regulate guns because 'all our freedoms have limitations and need regulation' then under that same logic we can regulate speech. I wouldn't be crazy about that- I'd much rather the networks get together and sign a pledge of how they're going to cover things like this and then stick to it. But at the same time, if the vultures can't contain their need for fresh meat, then maybe that's what we've got to do to get some journalistic restraint and ethics going around here because the media has been downright disgusting the way they've handled this.

But the solution? Armed guards in every school in America? I think this happens more often than the NRA thinks. The high school I worked at in Mankato had a police officer who was the 'school resource officer' who rotated his time between the two high schools in town. High schools in a lot of bigger cities have an officer on campus full time. And in general, I think it's a good thing... while some kids will undoubtedly have negative encounters with their friendly police officer, some kids will have positive interactions with them and I think that's a very good thing- anything that gets law enforcement out into the community, contributing positively is something I'd get behind- but police budgets are tight enough. If you want to get police officers into schools, you're going to need cash. (Oh and there's that pesky government spending Conservatives hate too. You can't have it both ways!)

But is it a cure-all? Doubtful. Most schools today conduct lockdown drills- but how effective are they? We protect schools from fire through a variety of methods and have done so for decades. I can't remember the last time I heard about a school fire during a school day- much less one with fatalities. (Google gave me this- and it wasn't top of the search results either.) We conduct fire and tornado drills to the point where kids and teachers instinctively know what to do. Locking the doors and staying very, very quiet might not be as effective as people would like to believe.

The NRA's logic is simplistic. 'The only way to stop a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun?' Well yes, but good guys- even with guns- can't be everywhere all the time. Safer schools start with making sure every teacher and student in America is trained and prepared to deal with the unthinkable. That's not a comforting thought for a lot of people, I know- but knowledge is power and preparation is everything. The more we have of both, the greater the chances we can prevent one of these tragedies from happening again.

(Pay attention kids because I'm usually very good about keeping this blog and my job very distinct and separate- but I have to plug this. If you're an Iowa City peep- especially if you work at the U of I. Take this class. And if you're not, do some research- somebody, somewhere will have something quite similar to this- and take that class... we now return you to your regularly scheduled blogging.)

On New Bak'Tun's Eve...

So I'v been trying to decipher this Long Count Calendar business for awhile now and I haven't had any luck. Just looking at it gives me a headache. For instance, today at 10PM... that would be: 12.19.19.17.19 I don't even know where to start with that. Puts me in mind of the Stardate thing from Star Trek- which I have a sneaking suspicion they just make up randomly, despite what I'm sure are many perfectly logical explanations out there on the Interwebs.

Is it the Apocalypse? Is it curtains tomorrow? I seriously doubt it... for a start the Long Count calendar is a base-20 calendar so the big big end, their millenium if you will comes I would have thought comes at the end of the 19th Bak'Tun which will be on Friday, October 13th 4772. What tomorrow marks is the end of a great cycle of Bak'tuns... there's really nothing to indicate that the Apocalypse is gonna go down tomorrow. (And today's Mayans have said that this Apocalypse business is entirely our invention, not theirs.) Stories of planets crashing into us seem silly as at this point, with hours to go I feel sure that someone would have noticed a planet somewhere.

Flipping the magnetic poles? They think that's a longer process- not an instantaneous one like in the ridiculous movie 2012. (Neutrinos pass harmlessly through the Earth... they're not going to suddenly just stop doing that randomly, apropos of nothing.)

There's a village in France where people have gathered, convinced that tomorrow, the garage in the depths of a nearby mountain will fly open and the aliens will take the lucky few to be spared from the Apocalypse. Everybody seriously needs to calm down. The sun will rise tomorrow as it usually does- I'll probably have to snow blow again and life will continue, per normal.

Plus, if the end of the Mayan Calendar is at the exact moment of the Winter Solstice, I'll probably be in bed asleep since it'll be about 6:00 AM, Central Time if I'm converting from UTC correctly. (Which there's a decent chance I'm not.) So the way I figure, if I wake up tomorrow and the world is still in one piece, we should be good to go.

(The Quiet Man sketched out some possibilities for his last meal... I'd have to kick it old school and go simple: a nice fresh warm loaf of Mother Cigar's bread with a plate of my favorite cheeses (brie, gorgonzola, stilton, English cheddar, goat's cheese, camembert, gouda) and some nice hard salami. Oh and a bottle of this.)

Whiskey of The Month #3: Michael Collins, Single Malt

We're taking a dip into the pond that is Irish Whiskey this month with a dram of the Michael Collins single malt, which was a gift for Father Cigar some months ago. The Irish Single Malt/Single Pot brands are increasing in quantity and quality- you're seeing more and more of them in the market and there's a reason for that: they're actually pretty tasty.

Once you get outside the old standbys like Jameson, there's not quite the fertile territory out there to explore. While Scotland has 90 distilleries, Ireland only has four- though each produce multiple whiskies: New Middleton, Old Bushmills, Cooley and Kilbeggan.

So what makes an Irish whiskey an Irish whiskey? Well, part of the joy of the world of whiskeys and bourbons, ryes and sour mashes is that every country tends to have their own definition on what qualifies and what doesn't. In this case, Ireland keeps it simple with four main rules (courtesy of Wikipedia, the font of all knowledge):

Irish whiskey must be distilled and aged in the island of Ireland

The contained spirits must be distilled to an alcohol by volume level of less than 94.8% from a yeast-fermented mash of cereal grains (saccharified by the diastase of malt contained therein, with or without other natural diastases) in such a way that the distillate has an aroma and flavour derived from the materials used.

The product must be aged for at least three years in wooden casks.

If the spirits comprise a blend of two or more such distillates, the product is referred to as a "blended" Irish whiskey.

Manufactured by the Cooley Distillery in County Louth, Michael Collins is, of course, named after this guy- one of the most compelling and interesting figures of the 20th Century. (If you want to get your knowledge on, check this out.)

But enough of that... on to business:

Color: Amber

Body: Light- smooth but not in a syrupy kind of way- it's light enough that I'd almost say it was watery but not at all in a bad way.

Palate: Notes of honey with just a tingle of vanillia or possibly caramel/toffee that hides the underlying smokiness of it very well.

Finish: Pleasantly warming- the smokiness doesn't burn going down.

Overall: Whiskey Review scores this one at a 91 and I'd agree with that assessment wholeheartedly. The smoke in this is light and delicate and is actually enjoyable going down and the flavor is excellent. The notes of honey combined with what I'd say to be vanilla and caramel/toffee (the review mentions butterscotch- which I'd agree with) for a very pleasant experience. My first Irish Single Malt was an excellent one... I'd say **** out of ****.

Bookshot #57: Killing Pablo

Perceptions of Colombia have changed a lot since I was a kid in the early 90s. It's much more peaceful now and while drugs may still be a problem down there, people are more likely to think of Shakira or Gabriel Garcia Marquez before they think of things like 'failed state' and 'narco-trafficantes.' Marc Bowden's fabulous book, Killing Pablo takes us back to one of the most infamous men at the heart of the violence that gripped the country: Pablo Escobar.

Bowden originally reported this story in a 31 part series for the Philadelphia Inquirer and in a documentary that ran on CNN- but it's equally as good in book form. Tracing the rise of Escobar from his childhood in Medellin, Colombia and his ruthless rise to power- at one point even almost taking a seat in the Colombian Congress, Escobar quickly became Public Enemy #1 and unleashed a campaign of terror and violence against Colombia as he fought extradition to the United States for a litany of drug-related crimes.

Yet he remained popular amongst many- 25,000 people attended his funeral. He was always quick to build schools, churches and soccer fields around his hometown with his excessive amount of drug money and although he yearned for legitimacy, Colombian society wasn't quite ready to accept a narco boss into the elite upper crust or let him get anywhere near the centers of power. When he responded by taking his fight directly to that state, it drew the ire of the Drug War fighting United States of America who soon became deeply involved in the hunt for Escobar and his eventual demise- probably more than people are aware of- Bowden included.

By the early 90s, Escobar was one of the most wanted men in the world and when he breaks out of a ridiculous prison (the Colombian Government secured his surrender but on terms way too generous to Escobar. La Catedral as his first prison was known was just that- pretty much a voluntary Club Med where Escobar stayed, complete with phone access so he could run his business from inside) and goes on the run, the hunt for him intensifies and that's really where this book takes off.

Bowden (if the name is familiar, it should be: he's the guy who wrote Black Hawk Down) constructs a beautifully intricate cast of characters- unveiling the Colombians and the Americans helping to hunt Escobar down and the struggles they had to overcome to do so. Escobar had informants throughout the government, especially in the police- which helped him stay a step ahead of his pursuers for a very long time indeed. But despite Escobar's ongoing violence- people began fighting back. A shadowy death squad nicknamed Los Pepes, operating outside the law began taking the fight directly to Escobar.

With his associates dying, his homes and businesses being destroyed by his enemies, the circle around Escobar drew ever tighter- even more so in the wake of the collapse of the Soviet Union, when the agencies across the US Government sought to prove their mettle in the Drug War to prove they still had worth in the changing post-Cold War world. As those tracking him got better and better, eventually, Escobar was going to make a mistake- and soon his pursuers had narrowed his location down to one particular neighborhood and after staying on the phone just a little too long with his son, they narrowed his location down even further and whether through blind luck or skill, someone visually identified him through a window and a shootout ensued in which he was killed.

Like Mark Kurlanksy, Marc Bowden is one of those authors that I've yet to have a bad experience with. Bowden builds his cast of characters gradually, setting the scene for the main event- in this case, the pursuit and capture of Pablo Escobar- who was at that time, one of the most wanted men in the world. As the pace in the hunt quickens, Bowden's writing follows suit until you get to the point where Escobar is having that one last conversations and the pace is fairly pulse pounding as his pursuers close in for the final time on the man that has eluded them for so long. By turns informative, fascinating and with all the twists and turns of a damn good Hollywood movie, Killing Pablo is a gripping read- made even more so by the fact that it's non-fiction instead of fiction.

Overall: Bowden has yet to miss in my book. Black Hawk Down was awesome- Killing Pablo is just as awesome (Guests of the Ayatollah and Worm are also on my must read list.) The man can write and knows how to construct an informative, gripping true-life story. **** out of ****

This Week In Vexillology #7

Get ready to swing your hips and samba, baby because this week... it's BRAZIL!

Adopted November 15th, 1889 for national and civil usage, the green in the flag recalls the Brazilian rainforest, while yellow represents the country's mineral resources. The design of the flag has remained the same since independence was achieved (yellow diamond shape on a green field) but in 1889 with the formation of the Republic, the Imperial Arms were replaced by a view of the night sky over Rio de Janeiro as it appeared when the Republic was formed.

Each star in the field of blue represents a state of the Federation- including the Federal District of Brasilia. As more states have been added to the Federation (most recently in 1992) stars are added. The stars are represented realistically with varying sizes- though the different sizes aren't a reflection of the importance of the state- and finally, the country's motto: 'Ordem E Progresso' or 'Order and Progress' appears in band across the middle.

According to my handy-dandy reference guide, in Brasilia stands one of the world's tallest flagpoles on which flies an enormous national flag. It's not the world's tallest flagpole- that honor goes to Tajikistan, where a flagpole in Dushanbe raises 165 meteres in the air.

Though Brazil is in mourning for the loss of the genius architect of their capitol, Brasilia, Oscar Niemeyer who died at the age of 104 earlier this month, I've got to salute a man who knows the value of a huge flagpole (no, stop laughing. Seriously- huge flagpoles rock. Why do you think Perkins has them? Because people see them and then they're like 'hey, that's kind of awesome... let's eat there.') I'll be honest- I used to take a dim view of planned cities. They seemed to lack spontaneity- but look at this- a bird in flight:

Niemeyer didn't just plan a city. He made it a work of art- and that's pretty damn cool. Visiting both Brazil and Brasilia is up on my lifetime bucket list...

Until next time kids, keep your flags flying- freak or otherwise!

Late Night Chronicles 94: I Got Nothing

Again.

That word seems to be running through my head a lot today. As the full extent of the tragedy in Newtown has become clearer throughout the day, over and over that one tiny word running through my head: again. What kind of a monster does this? I can't conceive of what would make a person walk into an elementary school and gun down 20 children, all of them reportedly between the ages of five and ten years old?

I got nothing. I got no answers, no ideas, no nothing- and I expect I'm not the only one feeling that way today. In the wake of such unimaginable horror, I expect the natural instinct of everyone is to cast around for answers, to try and get some scrap of meaning out of this tragedy but I expect difficult days are ahead- for those involved and for the country as a whole as we try and come to grips with this awful problem that just won't go away.

I'm ambivalent about guns, I'll freely admit that. I didn't used to be. You go to high school in the mid-to-late 90s with things like Columbine going down and the idea of guns makes you very, very uncomfortable for obvious reasons. But I got older and I realized that the complexities of this issue are maddening and consensus is nearly impossible to find- but that doesn't mean we shouldn't have a conversation about it. At the very least, we need a debate. This tragedy demands that much from our leaders. Right now they can't seem to legislate their way out of a wet paper bag, never mind our financial crisis- so I'm not going to hold my breath about any new, sweeping, meaningful legislation but they can talk. They do a lot of that.

Gun control to me, falls down on one simple fact: criminals don't obey laws. There's no point in passing a law that the people that perpetrate these horrors are going to ignore anyway. Yet our Constitution wasn't intended to be a suicide pact either- and there's no such thing as an absolute anything to be found in it. When even free speech has its limits (you can't shout fire in a crowded theater, for instance) then the 2nd Amendmant too should be regulated and limited for the public welfare- especially in an age where firearms are more modern, more advanced and more deadly than anything the Founders could have imagined.

So let's go further, you say. Repeal the 2nd Amendmant- ban all the guns! But what do we say when the next shooting happens and more people die? The World isn't always nice, it's not always fair and sometimes it's downright mean and evil. There are always going to be monsters willing to do things exactly like this. And blanket bans on anything in this country have not, historically, worked out that well. (Prohibition, for example.) The last serious attempt at a ban on guns was probably the 1994 Assault Weapons Ban which from what I've been able to discover was little more than cosmetic. By the time it was set to expire, the gun industry was make guns that were virtually identical to the ones that Congress had been trying to ban in the first place.

There are no absolute freedoms in this country. Everything has its limitations. More people die on the roads than from gun violence in this country- and we require people to take a simple test to drive a car but not to own a gun? Gun show loopholes mean you can walk into a gun show and walk out with a gun- far too easily. Waiting periods should be mandatory. There are sane and sensible things we can do and we should do to make this country safer.

Will we do them? I doubt it. The President may have wiped a way a tear today but I wouldn't bet on him signing legislation anytime soon. (As this column pointed out.) Our leaders are all about talk these days, not action and when the next tragedy happens the search for answers is only going to be even harder.

But twenty schoolkids and six adults died today in Connecticutt. And I got nothing.

*Just as a post-script to this: I wish the media would leave those poor kids alone- and what are those parents thinking letting cameras get shoved in the faces of those kids? My kids would be at home under lock and key and I'd be thinking about home schooling them and possibly never letting them out of the house ever again on a night after something like this.

Bookshot #56: A Farewell To Arms

What an utterly depressing book. Leave it to Hemingway, that buzz kill to totally spike my mood and not with anything fun either. I wasn't sure why I was picking up Hemingway again when I started A Farewell To Arms. Every so often I get the itch, the desire to plunge back in and try and answer once and for all for myself just what Hemingway was about and why people find him such a compelling writer.

After reading this book, I still don't get it. I mean, I suppose I do and I don't at the same time. His minimalism is nice. There's no wasted exposition and I suppose for the WWI period, his dialogue works- but it seems a little stilted to me sometimes, though mercifully, this book is a fairly quick and easy read.

But, A Farewell To Arms: The story of a young, dashing American, Lieutenant Henry who is serving as an ambulance driver in the Italian Army in the last year or so of World War I. He falls in love with a young, beautiful British Nurse, Catherine Barkley and when he is injured and sent to Milan to recuperate their romance deepens and eventually Catherine becomes pregnant. Sent back to the war, Lt. Henry is caught up in the bloody retreat southwards out of the Italian Alps and as the army starts shooting their officers for this abject failure, eventually has to go on the run to avoid them.

Reuniting with Catherine, they flee to Switzerland where they await the birth of their child. Who eventually has to be born via cesarian section and who is sadly stillborn and Catherine succumbs to a series of hemmoraghes and dies.

And that's pretty much the book. Cheerful isn't it? (If you've seen the preview for the movie 'Silver Linings Playbook' there's that scene where Bradley Cooper finishes this very book, gets pissed off and chucks it out the window before storming into his parents' bedroom to rant at them about it at like 4 in the morning. That pretty much sums up this book in a way.) A Farewell To Arms is just sad And it leaves a bad taste in your mouth- I mean after all that, after pages and pages of sweet nothings and extravagent expressions of love to one and other they get to Switzerland, the baby dies and then he just hangs out and then goes back to his hotel.

What a crappy ending.

(Like a lot of Hemingway's stuff this draws on some of his own experiences- namely as an ambulance driver in Italy in World War I.) Next time I get the itch for some more Hemingway, I think I'm going to go all in and try and conquer For Whom The Bell Tolls or The Old Man and The Sea after that, I can't really think of any Hemingway I'm particularly itching to read- but you never know. Good Old Hemingway always seems to keep me coming back for more.

Overall: There's an underlying sense of 'meh' about this whole book. Didn't knock my socks off at all. The writing was good I'll give it that and the ending, the ending was pure Hemingway. Depressing and well, crappy. ** out of ****. Hemingway Old Buddy: I think you can do better...

Instagram Food Wars: The Annual Crab Rangoon Challenge

Yeah, this is the first edition of the Annual Crab Rangoon Challenge but there are just too many Crab Rangoons to judge effectively so after some contemplation, I decided to take 'em three at a time.

Why Crab Rangoons? I love me a good Crab Rangoon. To me, the excellence of a Chinese restaurant is measured solely in it's crab rangoons. Perfect ones have the best balance of cream cheese and crab and are warm enough that the cream cheese has just a touch of melty cream cheesy goodness about it. They can be a culinary experience all in themselves or totally terrible and lacking in both crab and the necessary rangoon portion of the morsel.

When this quest will end? I don't know... but it seems like a fun and delicious holiday tradition to start. (For the record and I know I keep referencing this long forgotten Mecca of Chinese Cuisine a lot, but Easy Place Chinese Place? Best Crab Rangoons EVER. Had the perfect balance of crab and cream cheese. Or maybe that's just nostalgia for that lost semester of Chinese delivery food in my undergrad years.)

2012's edition begins at Thai Flavors:

Perhaps the most aesthetically pleasing of our trio, Thai Flavors offers the right amount of crunch and Thai Sweet Chili sauce for your dipping pleasure. The cream cheese is good and melty and there's a nice burst of crab to round it out nicely.

Next up, we throw y'all a curveball with an offering from JoJo's Asian Foods up at NewBo City Market in Cedar Rapids. (You should go there. Now. Well, maybe not right this second- but go. Soon.)

I'll give two thumbs up to the food at JoJo's but their crab rangoon (carefully saved until last) was amazeballs. Crunchy goodness and the crab/cream cheese balance was perfect. The piece de resistance: a hint of curry! Made the experience.

Finally, we've got the old stand-by: Hy-Vee. I'll give you a hint- they're probably better fresh but if you're lazy (like me) or slammed for time and crab a six pack of these bad boys out of the cooler, there's something you've got to know:

You can't over microwave these bad boys. I'd say about a minute would be perfect- don't, whatever you do, go for the maximum of 2 minutes suggested on the label. That's bad, baaaaaaad news because you risk burning them. I'll admit I'm sort of kicking myself for not getting fresh ones here but semi-fresh, Hy-Vee is still a playah in the crab rangoon wars.

So which cuisine reigned supreme? I'm going to give the nod to JoJo's this year- not only is their Asian food fresh and delicious- but their rangoon had crunch, chewiness, the perfect blend of crab and cream cheese and it's the hint of curry that put it over the top.

2012's Winner of the (now) Annual Crab Rangoon Challenge: JoJo's Asian Foods

Um Yeah, About 'Girls'...

Three minutes into the pilot episode of HBO's critical darling Girls, I was already annoyed. Is this really what my generation is supposed to be like? Seriously? Superficial, unemployed, totally useless hipsters that have no life skills whatsoever. At 29, I'm not going to claim that I've got my shit together but Jesus Wept... if I expected my parents to support me for two years after I graduated college while I 'found myself' they would have laughed my ass out of the house. And still said 'no.' Probably with a hearty expletive attached to the declarative negative.

Maybe it's the fact that the show is called Girls and it largely revolves around it's mostly female cast. Maybe it's a 'men are from Mars, women are from Venus' kind of thing and I'm just missing out on something. I'll have to consult with the Missus on this just to double check.

Our main character? Hannah played by Lena Dunham is an English major working an unpaid internship in New York. She's got a fuck buddy (not a boyfriend. Just someone she has sex with when she's bored or something) called Adam who is a total douchebag and she expects- EXPECTS her parents to support her while she lives in Manhattan 'finding herself' and writing a novel. She actually has the balls to go to her parents (while high on opium) and declare herself 'the voice of her generation' and ask for $1100 a month from them for the next two years while she finishes her novel.

What. The. Fuckity. Fuck.

There are a couple of other of the titular Girls floating around. Marnie has a decent if perhaps overly corny boyfriend who she's getting ready to dump. (Because this show has no time for guys that actually treat their girlfriends with a certain level of decency and respect. Oh no, bring on the douche parade because that's what the hipster women like, I guess.) British 'Girl' Jessa moves to town and moves in with her cousin whom I guess is called Shoshanna? Jenna's pretentious, annoying and like a lot of other characters in this show completely unbearable. (Oh and she's pregnant. I assume there's going to be a bonding episode involving a like totally emo trip to the abortion clinic at some future episode.)

I don't know. Color me unimpressed- but the show is called Girls and I am not a girl. I'm totally willing to admit that I've missed something here and maybe subsequent episodes improve or at least get less annoying than this.

There's an amazing blog out there called 'People I Want To Punch In The Throat' you could probably add all of these people to that list. I had sympathy for none of them. I mean, you're living in Manhattan. Of course it's fucking expensive. If you don't like, don't just whine and get all emo about your lack of money- MOVE SOMEWHERE ELSE AND GET A FUCKING JOB. I know every show like this claims to be the show that 'defines a generation' and there's probably some truth to that when applied to this show (and that's the really scary part) but seriously: if this is actually representative of my generation- and not just the rich, white (oh so very, very white... the slams against the show for being super-white are well earned. The only African-American in the pilot is a homeless dude outside a hotel), upper-middle class scions of East Coast Liberal Elitism, then the Republic is totally doomed. It's game over, man and start learning Mandarin because this country is totally effed. Hard. In the b.

But the soundtrack's decent. I'll give it that.

Bookshot #55: Salt: A World History

No, it's not about the secret agent/assassin movie that Angelina Jolie starred in. It is, in fact, a book about salt. A four hundred and fifty nine page book about salt. Just salt. Nothing more nothing less, just plain old salt.

And you know what? It's actually, really, really interesting.

Mark Kurlansky is at his usual best again with this book- a classic tale of 'everything you could possible want to know about [insert subject here] but were afraid to ask' and what makes Kurlanksy such a compelling writer is that he actually makes subjects you think would be boring as all giddyup into books that are informative, educational and even a little bit fun to read. I've got two of his other books kicking around somewhere- The Basque History of The World and 1968: The Year That Rocked The World... both highly, highly reccommended. Doubly so if intriguing, well-written, non-dry and dusty history is something you dig reading. Check this guy out.

But, back to Salt:

It's a condiment that we take for granted now a days but back as little as 100 years ago, salt was an incredibly valuable commodity. And if you go back to the Ancient World, salt was reserved for the Kings, Queens, Emperors and uber-rich. If you had white salt, you were undoubtedly aristocratic and/or ridiculously wealthy as the peasants had to make do with less pure, dirtier salt.

But the biggest impact on world history that salt had was simpler: before refrigeration technology was invented it was the primary method of preserving food. From salted pork to salted fish, there hasn't been a condiment out there that's had such an incredible impact on world history or world cuisine. Tabasco sauce? Ketchup- or as it was originally known, catsup? Both evolved from styles of pickling that involved preserving food in salt.

The military implications should also be clear as well: armies need food to survive and without salt, none of that would have been possible. Salt embargos were used in the Revolutionary War and the Civil War- and among the South's many disadvantages was a distinct lack of salt- as one of their major saltworks proved to be in what's now West Virginia- which broke away and switched sides pretty early on in the Civil War.

From China to America, all throughout history salt has found unique places in culture, history and cuisine- and while most of history has been a mad quest for the purest salt possible, Kurlansky notes that at the end of the book, a rising desire from world consumers for more artisanal, perhaps less pure salt, less white salt that is changing the nature of one of the most interesting ingredients (it's the only rock we actually eat...) in the world.

This book was chock full of things I didn't know. The most interesting one was probably that Syracuse, NY (when I think of 'Cuse I think of The Carrier Dome and Lake Effect Snow. Probably a disservice to that fine town, but I gotta be honest about it) was a major port town and once upon a time, as recently as 1918 a city of canals. Once the section of the Erie Canal that ran through the town was closed, in a typically American fashion, they paved it over and turned it into Erie Boulevard which it remains today. Kind of mind blowing thinking that the closest thing we have to Venice now in this country is probably the Venetian Hotel in Vegas.

Overall: I'm not going to lie- this was a little bit of a hard slog of a book to get through but it was totally worth it in the end. I'm all about getting my knowledge on and if there's one thing you could say about Kurlansky's books is that they let you do just that. *** and a 1/2 out of **** (I deducted a half because of the perserverence I had to summon to make it all the way through this excellent book.)

The Stiff-Arm Conspiracy

Conspiracy theory with me for a minute, won't you kids?

So, the Heisman Trophy presentation was last night and can I just say how much I love it? It's one hour. Bing, bang, boom- DONE. They trot all the old dudes up there say a few words, let the winner give his speech and then SHAZAM! Gone until next year as the Worldwide Leader In Sports has better things to show us. (Namely a pretty fascinating documentary about Bo Jackson that answered the question all of us ask from time to time: 'Hey, whatever happened to Bo Jackson?')

But I was looking at the voting results from last night's win for TAMU's Johnny Manziel and bells started ringing in my head when they mentioned that this award had been defined by Conference Re-Alignment more than ever before. Sure enough, Manziel's biggest victories came in the Southwest Region (Texas... and company in Heisman land) and the South Region (hardcore SEC Country.) Texas rallied hard for it's kid and the SEC rallied hard for a fellow, albeit new SEC-er to get the win. Manziel even beat out his next closest competitor, Notre Dame's Manti Te'o in the Northeast- Te'o only won in the Midwest- and not by much. (319-311 or something like that I think.)

Contrast that with the last time a Golden Domer won the Heisman in 1987. Tim Brown took every region except the Northeast. (Granted his main competition was from Syracuse, Michigan State, Pitt and weirdly, Holy Cross.) But I'm willing to bet back in the hey-day of the Holtz Era, the Golden Domers still had that 'national brand' thing going for them and probably got paid attention to a lot more on the television than they have been prior to this year for a good decade or so. All of which made me wonder: is Notre Dame's vaunted independence going to look all that great in a couple of years?

There a couple of problems with this notion. First, the Heisman has as much bearing on fairness and objectivity as the BCS does and second, they've never given it to a purely defensive player- ever. And I don't know why. But prior to last night no true freshman had ever won either and that made me curious. Johnny Football certainly had the most Heisman-worthy moment, beating Alabama in Tuscaloosa for all the world to see. But he's a freshman. Awesome year, no doubt but if stats were to believed last night, two separate tackling studies concluded that Te'o had missed two tackles- all season. That's equally as insane. So it was curious...

And then I remembered seeing this gem in the comments/speculation on who the B1G would add next over at BGHP...

ND and Pitt, because chicks dig the longball.


Longball: Maybe Delaney convinced ND late this fall.

First, he told ND they risk being on the outside looking in if there are four playoff spots for four super-conferences.

Second, he told them the B1G will add Rutgers and get ND out of its ACC deal and picking up the NYC cable market.

Third, he told them bring along whoever you want, and ND picked Pitt.

Fourth, and most importantly, Delany told ND we will make more money than can be printed. What cable company can refuse to add the network that carries ND, Ohio State, Michigan and Nebraska? Maryland was a nice AAU State school to connect the dots. The deal was already done before Thanksgiving. The only reason for the delay of the announcement was to let ND focus on the national championship.

Chicks dig the longball theories.

It is, as the commentator noted something a longball but the more I think about it, the more I've got to wonder if there might not be something to this. The Domers saw probably the best college football player in all the land (at least on the defensive side of the ball) get beat out by a freshman phenom from TAMU largely on the basis of regional, SEC voting. Te'o didn't even crack the Northeast (he lost a slim margin) where there would be, I'd imagine a hefty amount of Irish fans around.

At the very least, we can conclude the obvious: The Domers ain't the national brand they used to be. But with Maryland and Rutgers on board the B1G, everyone is watching Maryland's lawsuit with the ACC very carefully. If they get out of the $50 million, smart money is the FSU and Clemson bolt to the Big 12, the SEC grabs two more (I'm hearing NC State and VaTech) and suddenly Notre Dame's looking at a playoff system where the four big power conference set a lot of, if not all of the rules. And then their deal with the ACC suddenly doesn't look quite so smart.

At that point, the above scenario becomes very plausible indeed. Whether it's already in place is another matter (I'd be surprised if it is. Delaney may be the Master of Conference Re-Alignment Chess but if he's pulled this off, he should be promoted to Grand Master at very least.)

We'll have to wait and see but the B1G has played it smart so far- and in their heart of hearts, I doubt they've given up on the dream of Notre Dame in the B1G. I think it's still plausible at the very least. And if they bring Pitt along, it only gives Penn State more friends- which we were apparently concerned about.

27: Become A Good Amateur Bartender

For some reason I put this is on my '30 things to do before I turn 30' bucket list and I've been scratching my head about it ever since. How exactly do you measure this goal? What metric should I use?

Happily, I've found one: The Fine Art of Mixing Drinks by David Embury. Embury picks six basic cocktails that everyone should be able to master: the Martini, the Manhattan, the Old Fashioned, the Daiquiri, the Sidecar and the Jack Rose. This seemed like a perfect place to start- after all, if you can't master the basics, you can't really call yourself a bartender much less a good amateur one. (For the record: thinking about it, I think this made the list because floating around at the back of my mind, 'opening a really good bar' seems to be a 'someday, maybe' life goal of mine.)

So I started with a drink I hadn't attempted before. The Manhattan:

Embury's preferred recipe is as follows:

Manhattan
5 parts American whiskey
1 part Italian (sweet) vermouth
dash of Angostura bitters to each drink
Stir with ice, strain into a cocktail glass and serve garnished with a maraschino cherry.

However, I simply went with a 2 parts whiskey, 1 part sweet vermouth ratio and got satisfactory results. Mother Cigar actually enjoyed this- which was a first as she's not a fan of the whiskey and it was only after 2 of these that I realized that I hadn't been using the Angostura Bitters at all so one more was had to see if the bitters made any difference. I certainly couldn't tell- if they were there, they were subtle.

I enjoyed the heck out of these- I had in a fit of random holiday experimentation attempted a dry Manhattan sometime last year (the Cigar Parentals don't usually have Sweet Vermouth kicking around their joint. Everything else, yes, sweet vermouth, no) and it was, well, gross. The real thing more than made up for it.

So this will be my metric. Mastering these six cocktails... stay tuned for next month's offering and if you imbibe, happy drinking to you!

Is it Khaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan?

Speculation is rife in the wake of the latest teaser trailer for Star Trek: Into Darkness. Who exactly is Benedict Cumberbatch playing? For a long time I've been fighting the notion that JJ Abrams would be silly enough to bring back one of Trek's iconic villains, namely Khan- Star Trek 2: The Wrath of Khan is the Trek movie of Trek movies... you don't futz around with that.



And yet... Abrams surprised me by out and out destroying Vulcan in his Star Trek remake which I thought was a ballsy move as it signaled an effective break with existing Trek orthodoxy (yes, after nearly five decades, umpteen television shows and movies in some quarters it has indeed become almost orthodoxy and dogmatically so- to the detriment of the franchise.) And a willingness to take the franchise in a new direction. But somebody is coming back for vengeance...

There's a little dash, a little hint of Khan in there but it also pre-supposes the idea that Kirk (like in the original movies) had run into Khan before... which unless we're missing something that's to be revealed in the movie, he hasn't yet. All of which makes me wonder if this is either an elaborate fake out and we're going to get somebody totally new or it's someone from the Trek-verse that we've seen before but whose appearance will be totally unexpected.

Either way: I'm totally PUMPED.

This Week In Vexillology #6

Get happy people. Yes, it's the only country in the world to look at the idea of a gross national product and say 'screw that' and institute a national happiness index instead. Yes, it's the Land of the Dragon, home of the Thunder Dragon- put your hands together and get ready to Wangchuk tonight because this week... it's Bhutan.

Sandwiched between India and China, Bhutan is a Buddhist state and now a Constitutional Monarchy ruled by the Wangchuk Dynasty. In the local dialect, Bhutan means 'Land of the Dragon.' The dragon that you see on the flag is the Thunder Dragon. Traditionally in Bhutan, thunder is believed to be the sound of dragons roaring. And when a monastery was set up in 1200 called the Druk (the 'Thunder Dragon') with a sect called the Drukpas named after it, the dragon became Bhutan's national emblem and has been ever since.

The flag was adopted for national and civil usage in 1965. The saffron yellow in the flag denotes the authority of the King. Orange represents the Drukpa monasteries and religious practices. And the white in the Thunder Dragon represents purity and loyalty. The Dragon itself symbolizes 'Druk' the Tibetan name for the Kingdom of Bhutan. The jewels grasped in the claws represent wealth and the snarling mouth represents the strength of the male and female deities protecting the countries.

Ladies and gentlemen: Bhutan!

And until next time, keep your flags flying- freak or otherwise!

The Joy of Disney

I saw a couple of days ago that Disney had done a deal with Netflix for the rights to it's movies- Netflix beating out Starz and other cable channels to land the big juicy prize. I didn't expect that the initial wave of movies would be on Netflix already... I'm assuming bigger named, more recent movies will be forthcoming over the next couple of years but I was pleased to see that two of my favorite Disney movies were included in the first wave: The Rescuers Down Under and The Great Mouse Detective.

I'm also hoping for the Disney television trifecta of Tale Spin, Duck Tails and Chip N'Dale: Rescue Rangers to show up at some point as well as the most underrated Disney movie of them all: Atlantis: The Lost Empire. (Seriously- Atlantis: The Lost Empire was a total surprise to me. A hand drawn throwback in the age of CGI that was actually pretty damn good when it was released in 2001.)

It's been awhile since I've gotten my Disney on so I've forgotten just how dark some Disney movies can be. (I mean, the Rescuers Down Under- poaching and kidnapping? George C. Scott is brilliant at the voice of McCleach the poacher. Though I'd be interested in knowing just how big Golden Eagles are. Marahute carries the kid around like he's nothing. That's one big-ass bird.) And I think The Great Mouse Detective is a fine Disney-fied adaptation of Sherlock Holmes.

Before they had the string of massive blockbusters in the 90s, Disney produced some damn good movies that get lost in the shuffle a lot. The true joy of Disney is rediscovering those hidden gems.

The Annual War On Christmas Rant

Saw my first bumper sticker of the season: Keep Christ In Christmas is what it read. And I'm bracing myself for an onslaught of shrieks and foam from the right wing about the Annual War On Christmas. I've learned to try and avoid reading such dreck because all it does is just piss me right off.

I remember listening to Bill O'Reilly I think explain that saying Happy Holidays was a sign of being a weak kneed pussy liberal or something and how it was a Communist plot to drive God out of the public square and put us all in Marxist re-education camps to learn to love our new Socialist overlords of something of that nature. (Is it weird that all these rants seem to end up in a socialist gulag somewhere? Or is that just me?)

Anyway, Billo's soliloquy about made my damn head explode. One of the GREATEST things about this country is that walking down the street, I can't tell what religion you may or may not practice. And since Diwali, Hannukah, Kwanza, The Winter Solstice and not to mention Ramadan sometimes fall in the last two months of the year, I'm just going to be OK saying Happy Holidays! Or maybe I'll just baffle you by wishing you a Joyous Kwanza. Happy Holidays to me is a celebration of the ecumenism of the United States- we were founded by people wishing to practice religion how they wanted too after all. I don't take it as some kind of neo-communist, Atheist plot and neither should any of you.

Now, don't get me wrong: when some weak-kneed liberal gets the politically correct vapors and starts banning Christmas trees and Nativities and such things, I roll my eyes. I roll my eyes because it's stupid shit like that that only fuels the Annual War on Christmas fires and because it's pretty damn stupid. They usually light a Menorah down on the Ped Mall for Hannukah and if they wanted to throw up a tree for Christmas I'd be down with that too. Ecumenism should be the order of the day. (I'm going to add a disclaimer to this: if other people that don't practice Christmas but celebrate other Holidays this time of year don't get to play too, that ain't cool. Ecumenism people. The more the merrier!)

If anything, this time of year, we should be calling a truce. Too much of our public discourse has become toxic and we've stopped listening to each other. We've stopped being civilized in our search for compromise on our national problems and with each other. People seem darker, more cynical these days and maybe those are the times we live in. But wouldn't it be great if we could let everyone believe what they want to believe and be kind to each other for a month or so every year? Holidays are stressful enough without lectures on how we shouldn't offend people or how Jesus Christ is in fact the reason for the season. If people find Christmas offensive, well then, I honestly don't know what to say to them and if people want to tell me how I should turn away from the materialistic, capitalistic nature of Christmas today and remember how it's about Jesus my first question is going to be: 'Did you buy your kids presents this year?' The answers should be thought-provoking at the very least.

In the meantime everyone, it's Christmas. Or Hannukah. Or a damn cold month at the end of the year when you get together with family. Whatever the reason, it's not the time to be wasting printer ink or air time attacking what should be a nice, peaceful, relaxing month as we end our year.

Of course all of this could be a moot point if the Mayans are correct. If they are does that mean the War on Christmas ends in a tie?

UPDATED: See, I'm not the only one...

Late Night Chronicles 93: Post-Election Hair of the Dog

So, true to my word, I've laid off politics for about a month now. Partially that's because I wanted the obituaries and finger pointing to reach a critical mass to see if anything useful was being said (at least on the Republican side) and partially it was just out of sheer exhaustion more than anything else. This was an unpleasant election. It was like a headache that wouldn't go away and once it was done, it was like the beautiful moment when the Excedrin kicks in and you suddenly remember what it's like to have a head that's not pounding in pain.

But now enough time has passed. Enough gratuitous photos of Mittens, hair askew, vacant look in his eyes have attracted enough liberal snark that's its reached a critical mass and is starting to die out now.

So what's a Republican to do? Well, don't panic. Obituaries have been written of political parties before and while Democrats may be showering in champagne and passing the caviar, there are more Republican Governors than ever before and more Republicans in control of state legislatures than ever before. You're down but far from being out.

But that's not to say that you don't have problems. St. Reagan's Coalition was brilliant- but it's starting to fray around the edges and while I don't think you should douse it in gasoline and light a match there are some things worth considering:

1. Mittens wasn't a bad candidate. It's just that your bench wasn't very deep. When Mitch Daniels and Haley Barbour took a pass that was bad enough but when Rick Perry forgot his name on national television (or whatever he did) and Tim Pawlenty inexplicably decided that the Ames Straw Poll actually meant something you were left with Snow White, Six Dwarves, Herman Cain and Mittens. Who had very nice hair, was super-rich and from Massachusetts. You essentially nominated John Kerry. You shouldn't be surprised when you got a similar result.

2. You're going to have to get some fresh thinking on social issues. I'm not saying you should put on a sequined G-String and start leading your local gay pride parades but there is just no reasonable argument against gay marriage. None whatsoever. And when Republicans get caught saying that 'this will lead to people marrying their sisters and/or farm animals and pets' you look crazy at best and intolerant at worst. Time was the Republican Party was all about married people- get behind gay marriage. More married people can potentially be good for Republicans but only if you let them get married to begin with.

And stop talking about contraception. Seriously. If gay marriage motivated Dubya voters in 2004, contraception motivated Obama voters in 2012. Abortion you've got some ground to stand on with a lot of people but if you're going to believe that abortion is a 'genocide of the unborn' then you've got a moral obligation to use every thing you can to combat that problem. That includes birth control- which should be cheap and available over the counter in a variety of eye catching flavors. Family planning=family values=moral responsibility.

3. You talk a good talk on federalism. How about walking a good walk? Colorado and Washington legalized marijuana. You should get behind legislation to give them exemptions to the Controlled Substances Act.

4. Replace ideology with pragmatism. Ideology and principles are both wonderful things. Neither matter a damn if you don't win. (Don't believe me? Ann Coulter of all people sort of says the same thing.)

5. Play smart on taxes not dumb. The Democrats will happily send us all over the cliff, Thelma and Louise Style. Why are you fighting for tax cuts for the super wealthy? And don't give me any guff about small businesses. It'd be nice if Republicans spent more time defending capitalism and less time defending corporatism for once.

So there you go Republicans. Do some of these things and you'll become a lot more tolerable (at least to me) and might win an election or two. Do all of these things and rebrand yourself a bit and put a decent candidate up and I'll give you the serious consideration you deserve.

It'd be nice if you could stop whining about the 'media' or 'the culture.' It's neither of those things. You've gotten away from what drove your success in the first place and that was that the American people, despite how irritating you could be sometimes basically trusted you to be tighter with the money than the Democrats. After Dubya, I'm not sure they feel that way anymore. You've gotten away sensible governing and the Tea Party has both helped and hindered getting you back there. So there are things that you could do to get back there...

Unfortunately, I think you'll probably do none of these things. I'm going to go out on a limb and say that in 2016, you probably won't be running a white dude as your candidate for President. (I expect Marco Rubio and Bobby Jindal know this as well.) But a wise man once said that a week is a long time in politics... and what goes down usually comes right back up again- especially if you drink a lot of tequila the night before.

The End of the Conference Merry-Go-Round... For Now.

So the dust is starting to settle and the Earth has stopped moving for now- but two weeks later, I'm starting to wonder if the Conference Re-Alignment Merry-Go-Round has stopped again- for now anyway, leaving the B1G Ten at the somewhat incongruous number of fourteen teams starting in the 2014 season.

There's a lot of healthy skepticism in the B1G about the addition of Maryland and Rutgers- over here in the Western end of B1G territory, it feels strange, alien, just plain odd. Is it about money? Yes. Does it expanding recruiting possibilities and position the conference for the demographics of the future, as population moves away from the B1G's traditional heartland? Yes. Does it finally give Penn State some natural rivals and neighbors? Yes.

But do we stop at 14? And if, as it appears inevitable, we end up going to 16, who do we add?

This is where it gets interesting to me. So far, the B1G Ten has stuck to it's guns- expansion has been within the contiguous geographic footprint of the Conference and new members have been members of the American Association of Universities. Given that formula, who do we get? I was resigned to Virginia and UNC. Or even Georgia Tech. Any future expansion would have to break one of those rules- the Virginia schools are a package deal- which is what got VaTech into the ACC to begin with. And Kansas would probably bring Kansas State right along with them.

Where then we do we go? And how viable can the B1G Ten actually be at sixteen teams? The Quiet Man didn't think a super conference era would last. And I agree with him- sixteen is just too many teams. But everything hinges on Maryland's exit from the ACC. If they have to pay the full $50 million, I'd say the ACC will be fine. If they wriggle out of it, I think Florida State and Clemson jump to the Big 12- and that's when I'd expect Cincy and UCONN to get their invites to the ACC.

In their heart of hearts, I expect the B1G Ten continues to sit in their lair plotting some way to get Notre Dame to join but I think we can forget about that for at least a decade now. Probably longer if they win the National Title. (I mean, talk about good timing for an Irish resurgence- when does their television contract come up for renewal?) And if you can't land the brand of brands of college football that's a gigantic pustule of frustrating Catholic stubborn football independence in the middle of your geographic footprint, then why bother expanding anymore at all?

At a certain point, we're just going to run out of media markets to grab- which is why I think if the ACC holds Maryland to the full $50 million, I think we'll have run out of places to expand too- at least for now. The Big 12's media deal with a guarantee of rights clause means that anyone that wants to bolt the Big 12 wouldn't be able to take that money with them- so hunting season on the Big 12 is over for at least a decade. The SEC got it's footprint in Texas so they should be happy. The Pac-12 really has nowhere to go unless the Mountain West takes a big jump in quality and the ACC has Pitt and Syracuse and now Louisville and if they can get a better TV deal put together they'll probably be OK too.

But if- IF, the merry-go-round starts up again for the B1G, I'd bet on Georgia Tech being one of our next expansion targets. Atlanta is a big television market and it would put us smack dab in the Deep South- someplace the B1G hasn't been. (And if they're willing to ignore the contiguous footprint rule, I wouldn't rule out Florida State either- assuming they haven't gone to the Big 12. Academics can be fudged. After all Nebraska is a former member of the AAU now.)

(BTW: Rutgers lost to Louisville on Thursday after inexplicably taking a dump against UCONN of all people the week before. There was no joy in Piscataway but I think they'll be OK in the B1G. Might take 'em a little while to get on their feet but they can do it. Though what the F.A.M.I.L.Y acronym on the back of their uniforms stood for is still a mystery. The internet informed me that it was 'forget about me, I love you.'

(The Quiet Man also pointed out that if the Big Ten Network is what's driving this, then it should start expanding it's programming- student developed programming and news perhaps? I agree with that. One can only see so many football games being replayed before it gets boring.)

P.S. Yes I know the Big East added Tulane and ECU. But who cares anymore?