Now That I've Defrosted...

Hallelujah, it's 9 degrees outside!   And with the windchill, it only feels like -4 degrees below zero.   After the past two days, this is getting perilously close to shorts and sandals weather.  Yes, I've spent the past two days cooped up inside my house, not because I didn't want to go out and about and do things, but because the entire state of Iowa along with much of the rest of the country got to experience what it would be like if we were all living on Mars.

I have seen Mars, peeps.  And there were no futuristic bars or dudes with creepy mutants growing out of their chests.  No, there wasn't even anyone with three breasts.  (The Missus keeps trying to insist that a zit on my chest is actually my third nipple.  I keep denying it, because well, no breast, no nipple, right?)  When Ah-nold looks into your television screen and say "Get your aaahss, to Maahs," he obviously didn't know what he was talking about.

Mars is cold as fuck.  And leaving aside the fact that you couldn't even breathe on Mars (the atmosphere being too thin and contributing to it being cold as fuck) temperatures ranged from 0-20 below with windchills of 40-50 below.   The Polar Vortex made temperatures in Iowa significantly colder than much of Alaska, the North Pole and McMurdo Station in Antarctica.

So, for two days, we went nowhere.  Actually, when I say 'we,' I mean The Cigarillo and I.  The Missus, lamentably for her, but happily for our bank account, had to go earn some spending cheese both nights.  The Cigarillo came down with a serious case of cabin fever by the second day.  I, for the first time in my life, got to do one of those 'throw a cup of boiling water into super cold air and watch it vaporize' things and failed to video it so I could upload it onto YouTube.

Hmmmm...  what else happened?  We activated our HuluPlus, said goodbye to DirectTV (for now but not, methinks, forever).  I fell seriously in love with Community.  (That paintball episode in Season 1?  Genius!  #sixseasonsandamovie)   The Packers lost.  Iowa played Wisconsin, Fran McCaffery lost his shit* and got ejected.   Denizens of the Hawkeye State alternated between clutching their pearls in horror and brushing it off like it was no big thing.  (Because, really, it wasn't- unless you've been looking forward to Fran McCaffery Bobblehead night all season.**)  And most deliciously of all, Auburn*** lost to FSU in the last ever BCS Title game before the four team playoff begins next year.  (Soon to be an eight team, then sixteen team playoff.  #Sweet16By2023 I'm calling it now.) 

But now, it's a new week.  Things are looking up.  Temperatures are moving up.  I'm not trapped in my house wondering if I should just start eating everything bad, just to past the time.  (Forced confinement was hell on my calorie counting.)  And now that I have feeling back in all of my extremities, it feels like things can only get better and warmer from here.  Because it couldn't possibly get that cold again, could it?

Right?

*Fran McCaffery is not Bobby Knight or Mike Rice.  He's genuinely a good guy, brings a lot of passion to a program that needed it badly and could quite possibly be the smartest hire Gary Barta ever makes.  When he loses his shit, it's strategic and motivational. Not symptoms of a douchey personality or a God complex.  When he himself admitted that he was only aiming for one technical and not two, you know there's remorse there.   The real question isn't his temper, it's can this team but together two complete halves and start closing out some of these games.  It's frustrating him (obviously) and I know it's frustrating the fan base.   Take a page from telemarketing:  A. B. C.  Always Be Closing.

**I had one, but the head fell off.

***So happy FSU won.  SO SO SO HAPPY.  Maybe now the decade long sports media fellatio of the SEC can stop and we can concentrate on more important things.  Like preseason polls for next season.

But seriously:  the SEC doesn't travel, they play ridiculous cupcakes and they still get extra credit for it because Alabama won two national titles.   And to think, people piss all of the B1G for their 'weak' schedule, but shit, at least we travel.   And if Urban Meyer can find a defense somewhere and retool his offense a bit, Ohio State will be back.   Or Sparty.  Either or.