By and large there are few teams in sports that I dislike and there are even fewer that I can honestly say that I outright hate. When I was younger, my B1G Football dislike centered around Michigan for some reason. I don't really remember disliking Ohio State all that much- but in the mid-to-late 90s, everybody liked Michigan. That maize and blue was everywhere and their fight song probably ranks as one of the more annoying college fight songs out there- Notre Dame's probably pushes it into second place, if only by a smidge. They were arrogant, they were annoying, they were everywhere and yeah, they were good and deserved to have some of that joy and arrogance but they were also dicks about it. So, they made my shitlist.
Then came Rich Rod, Appalachian State and while Michigan is getting better, they're not what they once were. A few Iowa victories here and there and I'm down with Big Blue now. We may win, they may win, c'est la vie, right? That's sort of my attitude for a lot of teams. I expect us to beat Iowa State and Minnesota- but I don't go out of my mind and call for mass executions of the Iowa coaching staff if we don't. Rivalries are only good when the other team wins now and again-- and when they're not playing us, I genuinely do wish Minnesota success. They need all the good karma they can get after the Tim Brewster fiasco. (And yes, I enjoyed the schaudenfreude of watching them beat Nebraska for the first time since 1960. Hahahahahahahahahahahaha....)
Ohio State I savor every victory we get over them because they only happen about once a decade or so, it seems like. Wisconsin brings one of the most balanced rivalries in the B1G to town next Saturday and they're another team I don't mind at all. But lately, the team that I have chosen to despise is Northwestern. Here's why:
A few years ago, The Quiet Man, the Missus and I were at the wedding of our mutual friend, The Harpist. It was at Northwestern, since that's where she went to grad school and it was my first time on the campus of Northwestern and it was odd to see how the elite upper crusty school of the conference lived. By the beach, everyone trim and rich looking. Anyway, we got to her wedding reception (and changed hotels- but that's another story) and we were sat next to some friends of hers and as you do at these things, pleasantries were exchanged. They all knew each other and were talking about how they had loved driving up to Door County over break (in that kind of eye-rolling, are you trying to show me how much your shit don't stink kind of way) and then they asked us how we knew The Harpist.
The Quiet Man and I said we had both been to high school with her. Oh, they said. Did you go to Northwestern? No, we went to Iowa.
There were hearty laughs at that. Iowa, one of the women said. We've beaten you five out of the last six years- we put that in our family Christmas letter!
Thus was my hatred of Northwestern born. I know the story of why the hate us, of course. Legend is that after a particularly punishing 59-0 stomping of the 'Cats in the mid-90s, Hayden Fry met Gary Barnett at mid-field and said something like 'I hope we didn't hurt your boys too much.' He was probably trying to folksy in that high porch picnic kind of way but Barnett took offense and the Wildcats have wanted our blood ever since. And for awhile there under Ferentz they were one of those teams that just gave us fits. (Indiana too, for some fucked up reason.) But it goes to show you how much a little condescension can do, because I've remembered that conversation ever since.
The next year, I was in the upstairs bar at The Airliner. I don't think I sat down or drank anything that entire game. I just lived for every snap, lived for every Iowa touchdown and when we beat Northwestern, I thought to myself: 'Put that in your family Christmas letter, lady.'
This year was no exception- except Friday night, I went and had a couple of beers with The Quiet Man and either I was getting sick already or parenthood has knocked my alcohol tolerance down to that of a small pygmy gerbil because the next day I woke with a pounding headache, puking, chills, sensitive to light and spent the morning sleeping whatever it was off. By afternoon, I was holding down food and feeling better and to my surprise, Iowa was up 10-0 at the half. The third quarter dragged on and Northwestern caught fire a little bit, catching up to Iowa by the end of regulation and sending it to overtime. We scored a TD on our first possession in overtime and when it came to 4th and 8, I went to put The Cigarillo down for a nap, assuming that, since it was Northwestern, we'd need at least two overtimes to beat them.
I came back out and found out that they had won! And suddenly the rest of the season doesn't have quite so much weight on it. One victory away from Bowl eligibility, statistically a better season that last year- I don't know if Ferentz deserves a pay raise and another extension (he probably doesn't) but the fact remains, we beat Northwestern! Quo posuit in tuis litteris Saturnalia! Put that in your Christmas letter! (Technically, the Romans didn't have Christmas.) So what's left: Wisconsin, Purdue, Michigan and Nebraska. I don't think we'll go 4-0 down the stretch. It'd be nice but I think we split our last four and wind up at 7-5. (Primarily because if we lose to Purdue, we really have no business going to a Bowl game ad if Minnesota can beat Nebraska, I see no reason why we can't do the same. At the very least, it should be a better game than the last two editions of the HEROS GAME or whatever the fuck it is have been.)
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