This was originally published on Facebook, November 6th, 2009
What happened to Walt Disney? When did they become so incredibly lame? Maybe it's just part and parcel of growing up, but I remember, back in the day, a new Disney movie was an event. No, by and large it was the event of whatever particular season their new movie was released in. That string of movies in the early 90s- 'Beauty and the Beast,' 'Aladdin,' 'The Lion King,' 'Pocahantas' one could, if one was feeling generous, include the excremental and massive inaccurate 'Hercules' in that picture as well. (Mythology buffs will know what I'm talking about, but Hercules was Roman. Heracles was Greek- which is what the movie portrays-- oh and Hades was never, ever, EVER a bad guy. Just king of the dead.)
But now... the banner release for Disney's holiday movie slate is the 100,000th version of that timeless and now extremely well-worn Christmas classic 'A Christmas Carol.' Oh, but it's in 3D so that makes it special- and like Eddie Murphy in the Nutty Professor, it's got Jim Carrey playing about twenty different roles all at the same time. And if that weren't bad enough, it's directed by Robert Zemeckis, who continues his tradition of that creepy, 'people look like dolls/zombies/just plain creepy and not at all lifelike' animation that he began with 'The Polar Express.'
So my previous question stands: what happened to Walt Disney? Why did it become so incredibly lame? And more to the point, what marketing genius thought that another version of 'A Christmas Carol' would be a good idea. I mean, does anyone care at this point? Is there a human being alive on the planet right now that hasn't seen 'A Christmas Carol' somewhere, somehow during their existence? I mean, shit- I'm sure even Somali Pirates gather together and watch 'It's A Wonderful Life' and 'A Christmas Carol' on their pirated sattelite feeds on a boat somewhere in the Indian Ocean. Everyone has seen 'A Christmas Carol' everyone knows the story- since Hollywood seems intent on flogging it to death, so what, if anything is going to bring people flooding to multiplexes everywhere this time?
Well, as I've already mentioned, it's in 3D. Oooooooooh. 3D. Now 'Avatar' is a movie I'm looking forward to seeing in whatever kick-ass 3D thing James Cameron has in store for movie-goers. 'A Christmas Carol' not so much. I mean, at this point, who the hell cares really? Everyone has seen some version of the damn thing anyway- and I don't know about everyone else, but I can practically recite the plot in my sleep. Pale imitations and attempts to modernize or change up the classic tale have popped up from time to time over the years- ranging from the forgettable Bill Murray tale 'Scrooged' to Matthew Mconoughey (however you spell that) in 'Ghosts of Girlfriends Past' which is better referred to as 'A Man Whore Carol' There's been some version with Vanessa Williams, a Muppet Christmas Carol- this Christmas Carol, that Christmas Carol... in fact a search of IMDB.com turns up 26 results for 'A Christmas Carol' alone. That doesn't include God knows how many title derivations or other versions their are out there.
The endless parade of sequels and ill-advised remakes in recent years has drawn criticism from many that Hollywood is entering some kind of creative desert. No one seems to have a truly original idea anymore- either that, or Hollywood is just getting incredibly lazy- one of the two. Either way, it's an undeniable fact that retread and pale sequels and the general quality of movies seems to have taken a nose-dive. And Hollywood actually wonders why? They wonder why people won't pay through the nose to go see a movie that they've already sort of seen before anyway... I can sympathize, to a degree. The endless parade of academic papers and general chaos of life appears to have sapped my own creativity more than just a little bit. I can't remember the last time I wrote good fiction, so I keep doing what Hollywood does- coming back to fragments of useless prose, maybe with a compelling character or two, but prose that I ultimately just cannot get to work in a way that I like. It's incredibly frustrating and makes me want to tear my hair out in frustration, especially lately.
But maybe frustration isn't the answer. Maybe we need to get off the hamster wheel and take a breath. The fact is that some stories are told enough. And need to be taken out of circulation for at least a decade before someone brings them back to the big screen again, and 'A Christmas Carol' is no exception- in fact, it should be the reason for the above suggestion to begin with. We don't need more movie versions of a 'A Christmas Carol' we need less. We don't need family movie directors sitting around and thinking 'Hey, I'm bored, let's do 'A Christmas Carol' that may make a buck or two.' We need them creating quality movies- new ideas (see: Pixar, Hollywood) and actually giving us a reason to go to the movies in these times of economic woe.
And to anyone who is actually delusional enough to think that they can top the wonder, magic and sheer awesomeness of 'A Muppet Christmas Carol' I have only two words to say to you:
Bah, Humbug!
No comments:
Post a Comment