**This is a new feature here at the Cigar... while I've been gone, I started staying up late on my nights off (I work third shift at the U) and writing random columns/notes on Facebook about whatever was on my mind. They took on a life of their own and now they show up pretty regularly over on my Facebook page- you can find the 25 previous ones over there--- this is the first one I'm throwing up over here and I'll be cross-posting all future ones, so any readers of the Cigar who aren't on Facebook can get in on the action.
I am completely unmusical and love music all at the same time. I find it fascinating. I love discovering new bands that everyone inevitably has known about for years, but I am finding for the first time. I love listening to those songs on the radio that just blow your mind or boozy nights that have soundtracks that echo in your brain for days afterwards. Given a choice to do high school again, I think I might have stuck with music. And maybe learned to play the guitar and formed an angry and probably bad punk band.
But anyway: when the wife requested two tickets to watch Ms. Britney Spears live in concert at the Wells Fargo Arena in Des Moines, I, being the wonderful husband that I am, agreed to this and went along with her for the ride. My resume of concert-going is fairly thin (I would put the randomness of seeing Duran Duran at Live 8 in Rome at the very top of that list) and I had never been to a 'big budget' concert in my life. So I thought, why not? (Of course, modesty and highly honed sense of self-preservation forbids me from revealing just what I got in return for being a dutiful husband, but rest assured, dear reader, it was worth it.)
I will admit to having something of a love-hate relationship with Britney Spears. I think I'll always kind of resent her for making top 40 radio such hell to listen to when I was in high school. The world really did kind of end after Kurt Cobain died, because the early 90s dance craze petered out, grunge was never the same and then came the rise of bubblegum pop, at the forefront of which stood none other that Britney herself. There was a good six year period that lasted until the end of the 90s when turning on the local FM station was a sure-fire ticket into nausea. Corporate, shiny boy bands and girl artists that sounded almost exactly alike ruling the airwaves. Rap and hip-hop wasn't much better, especially after Tupac and Biggie died. Then it just became a revolving series of meditations on whether or not whichever rapper that was popular that month was going to have 'to choke a bitch' or 'shoot up some n--gas' to prove his manhood.
Good music back then, you actually had to hunt for. I also knock Britney a bit for contributing however unknowingly to this frankly creepy trend of the sexualization of young women way too early. (You can blame a lot of people for this, but the school girl outfit in the video for 'Oops, I Did It Again'?) That's sort of become iconic, in many respects for kick-starting this trend. What becomes difficult is assigning blame. For sure, we as a nation are not doing enough to roll this creepy-ass trend back. How far can we assign blame to Britney? As probably one of the most iconic artists of the 90s, she surely has to be aware that many people consider her a role model, yet at the same time, she cannot be blamed for parents who let their daughters wear some of this stuff. So yeah, I knock her for it. Just a little bit.
We got to the Wells Fargo Arena in good time, picked up our tickets and discovered very quickly that there's nothing to do in downtown Des Moines. A good hour of walking the sky-ways and we finally found an oyster bar (where we both tried oysters for the first time) and then we found a British pub (if I'm going to a Britney Spears concert then I'm going to need at least one very large glass of beer, dammit)- that was excellent. It had a wall full of what looked to my eye to be downright excellent scotch and actually felt like a real British pub.
The show opened pretty much right on time with latest Top 40 Radio Flavor Of The Month Kristinia DeBarge. If you have no idea who that is, then that's OK- she's fairly new, but I guarantee you, if you've been listening to Top 40 Radio for the past, I don't know, month or so on a regular basis, you've heard at least one of her songs. 'Goodbye' (second song of the night- and the only one I'd heard of) is her current hit and it samples liberally from the 1969 hit by the band Steam 'Na Na Hey Hey Kiss Him Goodbye.' Everyone has probably at one time or another heard the latter song- it's pretty memorable and it was sort of menschy of DeBarge to sample from it.
I don't necessarily disapprove of doing either covers or sampling from songs, but I do think it can't just be done willy-nilly. The artist you're sampling (or covering) should be obscure- and you should take their material and make it better. Case in point: No Doubt's brilliant cover of Talk Talk's 'It's My Life.' I mean- how many people actually knew it was a cover? (Outside of Europe that is... I heard Talk Talk a lot on the radio when I was in France.) Artists who are in sampling/cover hell in my book: 1. The Counting Crows and Vanessa Carlton for their excremental version of Joni Mitchell's Big Yellow Taxi (who covers Joni Mitchell? That's like cock-slapping Moses in the face. You just don't do that.) I'm not sure I needed to hear 2. Sheryl Crow redo Guns and Roses' 'Sweet Child of Mine' either. As for sampling, the two worst offenders were 1. Nelly for sampling the guitar hook from AC/DC's 'Back In Black' (almost worst than covering Joni Mitchell-- this is like cock-slapping GOD!) 2. Puff Daddy for using the instrumentals from Kashmir for 'Come With Me' (to be fair, Led Zep have no one to blame but themselves, as they usually keep their songs pretty close to the vest.) and finally, I'm not sure how to feel about this, but Will Smith used the hook from 'Rock The Casbah' for 'Will 2k.' And that was just a bad song.
Anyway- covering and sampling is a tricky business and I think DeBarge managed to pull it off. The hit itself is decent- it's on the radio, it's making her money. Whether she'll be able to last in the long haul, I don't know. Putting her up against the other two acts of the night (Jordin Sparks and Ms. Spears) she looked more like a Blu Cantrell than a Britney. But time could yet prove me wrong.
Jordin Sparks was up next. I will admit to being excited about this. I like Jordin Sparks and I don't care who knows it- she's one of many guilty pleasures that haunt my iTunes and I think she has probably been one of the most underrated American Idol alums out there. She ran through all her hits in style (which took up a good twenty-twenty five minutes)- and could I just say to all the people who were freaking out about her being 'plus sized'- in what universe are you people living? She was tall (taller than I expected) and damn, if I was a woman and had that body, I'd be happy. Shit, I'm a guy and I'd probably be happy with that body. People really need to pull their heads out of their asses when it comes to body image.
As she was rolling through her set however, a radical thought flew across my brain. You ready? Here it is: American Idol might just have saved pop music as we know it. Think about it a minute- pop music before American Idol, meant things like the 'Backstreet Boys' or the freshly de-Mouseketeered Britney or Christina. Idol forced variety back into pop music because in order to win, you can't just sound like everyone else. You have to stand out in the crowd and have a little bit of a x factor. I'm not saying pop music will suddenly become my all time favorite kind of music because of it- pop is, generally speaking fairly bland and inoffensive. Which is good a lot of the time, but doesn't necessarily give you a lot of depth and variety for pretty much the rest of the time.
One twenty minute intermission later and the curtain rose on the main event of the night. Acrobats came falling out of the ceiling. There were midgets. A little half person bounced around on a trampoline. 'The Circus' tour lived up its billing. It felt like a circus and barring a parade of animals had all the trappings of one. Ms. Spears eventually emerged and proceeded to tear through her songs with energy, vitality and not a small amount of panache and pizazz. The whole damn show was trippy- one never knew what happened next. And I have to say that I will probably not be rushing out to by myself a Britney album anytime soon- however-- she puts on a damn good show and given the dancing, the singing, the showmanship- not one penny of your money is wasted going to see this.
Britney has evolved into a genuine artist- one who could possibly claim the mantle of Madonna if she really wanted too. The style of music, the big, flashy stage show and production- the iconic artist of the 90s (sad, but true) could easily eclipse one of the icons of the 80s if she wanted too- and she probably will I'd imagine. And even with her spate of personal troubles and the tabloid feeding frenzy that accompanied them seeing this show, you come away convinced of one, undeniable fact. Ms. Spears has served notice on the world at large- and she is, indubitably, back. And she's here to stay.
I can't say that I danced much through the evening, I was too busy being like 'WTF?' at all the crazy shit going on in front of me. The Missus enjoyed herself immensely and I have to say that I kinda did too. If nothing else, it was an experience- but should I be dragged to another Britney show- especially one as trippy as this one, I'm going skip the beer and go straight for shrooms.
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