Coming Soon...

Blogging has been light lately and for that I'm sorry- I've been slowly dragging myself out of a writing slump and I'm working on a re-design of the blog overall to freshen the place up a bit.

So no, I haven't forgotten about you, dear Reader(s)... in the meantime enjoy this fascinating XKCD and see if you can discover its secrets, here.

47%

Is anyone else sick of the media? I don't know what's going on anymore and I feel like I'm living in a gigantic fishbowl. (The election? Damned if I know who's going to win. Go to the polls and you'd think Obama. Do a little digging and if they're right that pollsters are using models from 2008 instead of 2010 then the whole thing could be flawed to beat hell! Who knows what's really going on!) Go to a mainstream media website or a left-leaning blog and you'd think President Obama was cruising to victory. Go to conservative media and blogs and you'd think Romney is still hanging in there waiting for his inevitable victory. All the media keeps throwing up is bullshit minutia, week after week after week. The latest:

"There are 47 percent of the people who will vote for the president no matter what. All right, there are 47 percent who are with him, who are dependent upon government, who believe that they are victims, who believe the government has a responsibility to care for them, who believe that they are entitled to health care, to food, to housing, to you-name-it -- that that's an entitlement. And the government should give it to them. And they will vote for this president no matter what. ... These are people who pay no income tax. ... [M]y job is not to worry about those people. I'll never convince them they should take personal responsibility and care for their lives."

First of all- and leaving aside the fact that I don't care all that much, why is this quote any different from this one:

"You go into these small towns in Pennsylvania and, like a lot of small towns in the Midwest, the jobs have been gone now for 25 years and nothing’s replaced them," Obama said. "And they fell through the Clinton Administration, and the Bush Administration, and each successive administration has said that somehow these communities are gonna regenerate and they have not. And it’s not surprising then they get bitter, they cling to guns or religion or antipathy to people who aren’t like them or anti-immigrant sentiment or anti-trade sentiment as a way to explain their frustrations."

Remember this one? This is the quote that people were convinced had cost President Obama the election in 2008. It didn't and by and large, it didn't matter all that much.

So where does that leave us? One candidate thinks we're entitled layabouts and the other thinks we're clinging to our guns and religion. (Yeah, the Cigar is based in flyover country so that makes me one of the unwashed masses to the coastal elite, I guess) And here's the thing: 47% of Americans don't pay any income tax. Romney wasn't wrong about that. And we can be a bunch of entitled whiners when we want to be, myself included (I did sign that 'shovel ready stimulus' thing that floated around the internet a few years back calling for student loan forgiveness.) And 47% of the people who are going to vote on Election Day have probably locked themselves into to voting for President Obama.

Not a lot of what Mittens said is actually wrong. The fact that 47% of the country pays no taxes is a huge problem as is the billion dollar industry that's sprung up dedicated to helping Americans wring every last sent out of the government. We're all about tax avoidance in this country. It's what we do.

But how do you pay for ObamaCare if half the country isn't paying into the government at all? How do you make better public schools? How do you keep the lights on?

For the privilege of living in a free nation, we should pay just a little bit. Oliver Wendell Holmes famously said that taxes are the price we pay for living in a civilized society. Though given the level of discourse that we see in our culture and in our society today, it should surprise nobody that 47% of the people don't pay. I'm surprised that 53% actually do.

Tragedy In Manchester

Two female police officers were gunned down in Manchester, England today after they responded to a report of a break-in, the suspect emerged from the house fired ten shots at them and then threw a grenade at them. Both officers Fiona Bone, 32 and Nicola Hughes, 23 were unarmed.

This is headline news in the United Kingdom and is being described as the worst atrocity against the police over there in fifty years. Suddenly, Kate Middleton's breasts don't seem that important at all.

I'm not going to get into a debate about guns but it strikes me that if we rely on police officers to put their lives on the line to protect other people, they need to have the proper tools to protect themselves.

My thoughts and prayers to the colleagues, friends and family.

Bookshot #52: 2312

2312 is the story of Swan Er Hong, granddaughter of the Lion of Mercury who gets caught up in a political conspiracy that sweeps up the entire solar system in its wake. By the early 24th Century, humanity has spread out through the solar system, terraforming Mars and settling Mercury (where the only city, Terminator runs on tracks around the planet keeping it just behind the sunrise) and the other planets and hollowing asteroids to travel about the place in and amuse themselves. At the center of the growing trouble is messy old Earth, ravaged by climate change where billions still struggle and many species have long since gone extinct.

When Terminator is destroyed in a surprise attack, Swan and her friend (and romantic interest) Fitz Wahram from Saturn are caught up in a race to untangle it all. From the outer moons of Saturn and Neptune to Earth, the rapidly transforming landscapes of Venus a mystery unfolds that will eventually change the fate of humanity as a whole.

It hard to unpack a Kim Stanley Robinson book. Part of the reason I enjoy his writing so much is that his books are sprawling and absolutely chock full of ideas. Whether you agree with his ideas or not he makes you think about them and I like authors that take the time to challenge their readers in that respect. Robinson's futures- as we saw with his Mars Trilogy are all encompassing though he doesn't drown you with technobabble he builds a portrait- especially with 2312 of what a complete human society would look like in the 24th Century.

Some of it is a little odd (gender differences have blurred and merged) and genetic modifications are common (some people are super tall, some people are super small, some people can purr and have computers embedded in their heads.) But overall many of the problems remain the same. People on Earth struggle with poverty and lack of jobs while Florida is drowned and people tool around the canals of New York City- the old remnants of capitalism remain while the rest of the solar system has organized into a loose collectivized economy called the Mondragón (modeled on the collective economy of Mondragón, Spain- an actual thing!) Swan and Wahram eventually come to the conclusion that unless Earth is stabilized, it's instability will spread out through the rest of the Solar System with who knows what consequences. Eventually, as they push the idea of landscape restoration on the drowned lands of Earth, they bring back extinct species they had been prepared for a return to Earth. The 're-wilding' helps sparks changes in Earth and after one more brush with death and danger, the Conspiracy is unmasked and our heroes emerge... well, maybe victorious, maybe not, you'll have to read it to find out.

The idea of terraformation is probably the most fascinating idea that Robinson plays with. Will such technology ever be possible? I don't know but Robinson elevates the idea into something more grounded in the science of today so the reader is left believing that it could be possible. Ditto with space elevators- though there are actually companies today working on that technology. But the idea of living on Mercury or Venus or taking the barren moons of Jupiter or Saturn and making them places where humans can live- that captures the imagination. Whether we'll all live in the happy collectivist post-capitalist society that Robinson imagines I don't know but he effortless creates sprawling dreamscapes of novels that make it entertaining to imagine.

Overall: Another wonderful brick of a book from Kim Stanley Robinson- packed to the brim full of ideas and with a massive entertaining story to go along with it. Thought-provoking, grounded science fiction at it's best.

Endorsements Round 1: State and Local

It's an election year and you know what that means- it's ENDORSEMENT TIME here at the Cigar! I was going to try and do this in one fell swoop but I decided not too just because as of right now, I'm back on the fence for the Presidential vote and I'd like to see the debates before making up my mind one way or the other. (Well, not exactly back on the fence. Let's just say I've eliminated Mittens Romney from consideration.)

So I thought I'd start out with State and Local Issues/Races and work up from there:

The Jail: Once again, Johnson County is going to have to go to the polls to decide whether or not they want a new jail. It would not surprise me if this gets voted down again but I'm going to vote yes. We badly need a new jail. It's overcrowded and we're paying other counties to house Johnson County inmates sometimes and that ain't cheap. There's an argument to be made that if you make it bigger, well then they'll just have to fill that one up too, I suppose and I'm not indifferent to that but the fact remains- it's time. Yes to the Justice Center.

Judicial Retention Vote: OK Iowa, time to stop this right wing nonsense once and for all. The Varnum Decision did not legislate a damn thing. It interpreted the constitution to say that the State cannot deny same sex couples the right to marry. Totally different thing than 'legislating from the bench' and it's what the Court is supposed to do. I'm not usually a joiner, kids but on this issue I feel pretty damn strongly about outside money and politics messing with my state judicial system and railroading justices that were doing their jobs and doing them well. So I joined Justice Not Politics. You should too- and remember: Flip Your Ballot and Vote Yes to Retain Justice Wiggins.

State Legislature: I don't really have a specific candidate or candidates I'm backing in the race for the State House but I'd like to endorse keeping the status quo just the way it is, thanks very much. Having semi-divided government seems to be keeping the extremist idiocies of both parties in check and is keeping everybody focused on the economy, the economy and oh yes, the economy. I don't want one party or the other getting to run everything because then we'll either piss away time on things like the death penalty or gay marriage or whatever it is Democrats can come up with to annoy Our Glorious Leader and His Chief Henchwoman. So: Don't Rock the Boat, baby. Status Quo FTW!

Congress: We've got new districts thanks to the new census and some interesting match-ups to dissect. First up, the 2nd District: I have to admit, I'm pretty indifferent to the Dave Loebsack/John Archer match-up in The Cigar's home 2nd District because I'm not actually sure what Loebsack's been doing all this time other than calling me with invitations to his telephone town halls and I know nothing about John Archer other than his name. I expect I'll either vote Third Party or write in The Quiet Man or maybe Chasing Empty Pavements can get a vote. About time Iowa sends a woman to Congress anyway! Final Verdict: I say incumbency gets Loebsack through this one but trading Linn County for Scott County and throwing in Jasper County might make it tougher but overall it's the lesser of 'who cares?' in this District.

Next, The 1st District: Yes, it's a rematch between Bruce Braley and Ben Lange and it would be a whole lot more exciting if it actually did take place in a UFC Octagon. (BRALEY/LANGE II SATURDAY NIGHT ON DISH ON DEMAND! That sounds exciting, right?) Final Verdict: Braley again thanks to incumbency. If Lange can't knock him out in 2010 which was about as friendly to GOPers as you can get for an election, I'm not going to bet on him this time either. This one doesn't get my pulse racing either.

The 3rd District: This one is the MAIN EVENT of Iowa's Congressional Races and it's going to be fascinating to watch. FASCINATING. If you turn on your television election night this is the one you pay attention too, kids. It's the battle of the incumbents as thanks to a move southwards, Tom Latham finds himself in the newly drawn 3rd District against fellow incumbent Leonard Boswell in a new district that includes both Des Moines, West Des Moines, Indianola and Council Bluffs- mainly the SW chunk of the state. Final Verdict: I have absolutely no idea. Flip a coin and find out!

The 4th District: This is the only race I'd endorse for and I happily endorse former Iowa First Lady Christie Vilsack current incumbent Steve King. Because, well, she's not Steve King. Can Christie get it done? I think she's got a good chance. She has better name recognition than whomever the Democrats ran last time and I think Story County will be the lynchpin to any victory she pulls out. Final Verdict: Incumbency is strong but I smell an upset here.

Food Adventures #16: The Minnesota State Fair

For Labor Day Weekend, the Missus and I ran back up to the Twin Cities and had a wonderfully relaxing time- the highlight of which was probably visiting the Minnesota State Fair. While Iowa's State Fair tends to see what it can deep fry and put on a stick, it's counterpart in the Medium White North seems to value creativity above of all else. The highlights:

Poutine! The crazy French Canadians made it all the way down to the Twin Cities- with delicious results. Not as gut-busting as chili fries, poutine combined light gravy with cheese curds and a dash of pepper for a delicious start to our fair.

We washed it down with some milk! Then things got crazy at the International Bazaar:

This is a camel slider. Camel doesn't taste like chicken- more like a weird cross between lamb and beef I think. It wasn't bad at all though.

Then, there were the deep fried lamb testicles. They were... chewy.

And we finish things off with a delicious Belgian waffle and a French dog!

Honorable mention to Psycho Suzi's (always a good time), Thom Pham's Wondrous Azian Kitchen which was a strange but delicious Asian fusion experience (the curry spiced Cranberry wontons were amazing) and the Marvel Bar who although being challenging to find proved to make the most AMAZING cocktails ever. Pricey- but totally worth it.

All in all- amazing food and an amazing weekend!

Bookshot #51: V For Vendetta

The Cigar has taken a big step into the future. The Missus gave me a super cool birthday present:

And on that birthday present, I had a Kindle App. So I took my first hesitant steps into the future and purchased several books on Kindle and began to read them. V For Vendetta was the first one I finished.

As with all movies and books, I found that the book is far better than the movie. Famed comic duo Alan Moore and David Lloyd join forces to tell the story of a Fascist post-Third World War Britain of the late 1990s. (Thatcher's Conservatives lost the 1983 election to the Labour Party* who went for complete nuclear disarmament, thus removing Britain as an obvious target of a Third World War.) A young woman named Evey Hammond is rescued from the clutches of the Secret Police by a terrorist in a Guy Fawkes mask named only V.

V, as in the movie embarks upon a vendetta against key figures of the ruling fascist Norse Fire Party. After rescuing Evey, he destroys the Houses of Parliament and then kills three key party figures for their involvement in past atrocities. First is the Party's propaganda Broadcaster, Lewis Prothero who V drives insane by destroying his prized doll collection before his eyes. Then there's Bishop Anthony Lilliman whom V forces to eat a cyanide laced Communion wafer and finally Delia Surridge- whose remorse for her past crimes leads her to get a painless death from V.

The chaos soon grows as V takes over the government's broadcasting tower and broadcasts a speech urging people to take charge of their own lives. Evey, who was set free by V when she questioned his methods finds herself captured after seeking revenge on the gangsters who murdered her lover. Interrogated, she receives a message from a fellow prisoner named Valerie an actress who was imprisoned for being a lesbian. Inspired by Valerie's courage, Evey refuses to yield to interrogation only to find that the whole thing was a hoax set up by V to give her a similar experience to what moulded him- Evey is angry but eventually accepts her identity.

The following November, V brings his final plan to fruition, destroying the government's eavesdropping and propaganda capabilities. Chaos grows and Finch's partner Dominic figures out that V has hacked into the government's servers the whole time. Detective Finch who has been trying to capture V puts together V's plan, confronting him at Victoria Station and shooting him. Evey rather than reveal V's identity gives him a Viking funeral, blows up Downing Street and assumes his identity, while in the chaos of the collapsed government, Finch heads north, alone.

This was much darker and much deeper than the movie. I loved every minute of it and found myself wishing that the filmmakers had stuck to their guns a little more and gone for the R-rating on the movie to better capture the spirit of the novel a little more. As with Watchmen, there are plenty of ideas at play in V For Vendetta- fascism vs anarchy, dystopia vs utopia and the meaning of freedom and it makes for a dark and thrilling read.

Overall: One of the greatest graphic novels I have ever read. Hands down.

*The Labour Party's manifesto for the 1983 elections was described thusly. So Moore was needless to say, wrong- very wrong.

That Pesky Free Speech Thing

Well, that's thirteen minutes and fifty one seconds of my life I'm not getting back. This movie that the Arab world is erupting about? It's terrible. It's just beyond terrible. I don't even have words for just how terrible this movie is- if it hadn't provoked horrible, contemptible violence across the Middle East, it'd be laughable. From a film-making point of view: the acting is awful, the editing is incomprehensible and the sound editing criminally bad.

The content is just as incomprehensible. This movie, if you want to call it that accuses Muhammad of being a child molester, a drunk, a lecher, a thug, a murderer and he's apparently gay as well. There's a bizarre scene where he buries his head between a woman's thighs and make a devil go away. (What the devil is, what it looks like and why it's there aren't exactly made clear to the viewer.) Can I see why this would offend Muslims? Absolutely. But to the point where they feel the need to riot? That not so much. If you really wanted to make a hit piece of Islam you could do a lot better than this and be a lot more offensive- all of which seems to confirm the notion that whatever these riots are about, they're not about this shitty little movie.

As pathetic and offensive as this movie is, that's part of the trouble with Free Speech. Sometimes people get offended and quite frankly, I think if we're giving your country a ridiculous amount of foreign aid, you should just deal with it really- by all means, protest all you want. But riot? Mob violence? Storming our embassy? Eh... not so much. And the administration's attempt to get YouTube to take it down? Disgusting and contemptible. There should no surrender, no quarter, no compromise on free speech. And if the Middle East wants to rise up, storm our embassies and kill our diplomats in response, well then good luck to all the shiny new governments over there trying to govern their countries without American foreign aid.

You could argue that this movie is the equivalent of shouting 'fire' in a crowded theater that puts American lives at risk and I think there are relevant points to be made there but religious fundamentalism is the enemy of freedom- and I don't care if it's the Christian, Hindu, Buddhist or Muslim variety. And to face down the fanatics, you can't give an inch on your basic principles. Trying to lean on YouTube to take it down? Worst. Appeasement. Ever. And I hope YouTube tells the White House where exactly it can put it's request too.

UPDATED: YouTube came through!

2,906 Miles

OK: I've tried treadmills. I've tried running. I've tried Couch to 5k. I've tried ellipticals. I've tried the South Beach Diet and the Grapefruit Diet and I just can't seem to find a rhythm to get working out on a regular basis. So, kids, I'm going back to the drawing board: walking.

I can walk. And there's no reason I can see that I shouldn't be walking at least a mile a day- outside while the weather's good, inside when it gets colder and I can build up to longer distances and hopefully eat healthier and get some of this weight off me. We'll see how I'm doing in the New Year- I might get ambitious and start jogging then.

I honestly think my problem is that I'm starting too big. I'm not in the shape nor the age that I used to be- I can't just go and stagger through a mile run the way I could in college. Start small, build up from there. So, walking!

And I've got a goal:

No, I'm not actually going to walk across America, but according to Google Maps, it's 2,906 miles from New York City to San Francisco. Walk, bike, run, ski, skate or crawl (well, hopefully not that) it seemed like a number worth aiming for. And just to make it fun, I'll try and update my progress every month so you can see me inch my way across America (kind of).

30 For 30: One Year Left

Well, I thought this was going to automatically publish. It didn't. Now that I'm officially 29, there's 1 year left.

1. Finish My Novel
2. Get Another Tattoo
3. Publish My Novel (conventionally would be preferred, but I might be open to Kindle.)
4. Get Something Pierced Again... (I'm thinking labret. Thoughts anyone?)
5. Get Contacts Again (Eye appointment on Monday! Hopefully this will be done SOON.)
6. Go Skydiving
7. Go to a Twins Game
8. Road Trip It To Winnipeg for a Jets Game...
9. Visit All 50 States (or failing all 50, get to the lower 48 at least.)
10. Lose 30 to 40 pounds... (whatever gets me back down to the 190-200 range- and maintain it!)
11. Run a 5k
12. Attend Trekfest! (Something I've never done, despite being a fan of Star Trek!)
13. Go to a Music Festival... (either 80/35 or Lollapalooza? Farm Aid?)
14. Attend the Iowa Caucuses. (I've never actually done this. I did it in Minnesota, but not Iowa.)
15. Finish all 4,532 pages (and 12 volumes) of Winston Churchill's 'The Second World War'
16. Read something by Faulkner- and understand it.
17. Re-read The Catcher in the Rye and The Great Gatsby- and try and appreciate them.
18. Read 'Dune' and understand it... (or kind of enjoy it, maybe?)
19. Attend a Premier League game... (this would involve going back to the UK. Excellent!)
20. Attend a Major League Soccer game.
21. Attend a Civil War Re-Enactment/Commemorations of the 150th Anniversary of the War
22. Expand our backyard patio, put in a pergola and a fire pit
23. Finish off our bathroom, re-floor and repaint our master bedroom
24. Go back to Europe- Spain, Portugal, England, Ireland, Scotland, France, Greece and Cyprus are all on my wish list.
25. Become a father- I know this is dependent on any number of factors beyond my control, but I think trying should be a lot of fun... ;-)

26. Learn How To Make Bread from Scratch
27. Become a good amateur bartender
28. I'd like to take my wife on a real honeymoon
29. Improve my foreign language skills
30. I'd like to save up and get a subscription to The Economist. Probably the best news magazine out there.

Are Republicans Fooling Themselves?

Yes, yes they are- but not for the reasons that this article presents. First of all, there's this gem:

More than that, the conservative case can’t break through the left-controlled education system that has profoundly shaped the Millennials. True, youth unemployment is giving many second thoughts about Obama, yet it’s been more a matter of sapping Millennial enthusiasm than of changing attitudes and ideas.

Dude, don't call me a brainwashed tool of the Democratic Party and expect me to vote for you. I'm not an idiot and I'm a product of the education system that Conservatives now despise and this attitude irritates me. Saying to people my age, 'well, you've been indoctrinated, you're stupid' is no way to win our votes.

Second of all, if Republicans would move on some social issues, they'd be the majority party. I'm not saying total surrender on every issue, but I think we can all agree abortion should be legal, safe and rare. I think we can all agree that marriage is good and we should have more of it and until the Republican Party comes up with a sound, sane position on immigration (and the rest of these issues) they risk irrelevancy.

If they get back in, it'll be because the economy is bad. They won't stay in because whether they want to admit it or not, they're losing the long term argument.

Undecided Again

Kids, I refused to watch either of the Conventions. I think they're useless wastes of time that are little more that week-long infomercials. In a sane, real world, networks would show the nominees' speeches and nothing else. Plus, I just don't trust television. Words don't lie to you. People and gestures and television can deceive you.

So I read both speeches: Mittens' speech and the President's speech. And I'll be damned if the President didn't push me back into the undecided column again. He's got good speechwriters I'll give him that.

Gonna have to think about this one some more, kids. Lots of time left before the debates- and election day.

'Highlander' --A Review

Small, wee confession kids: I'd never seen this movie. I knew this series has a devoted cult following but I'd only seen bits and pieces of it, usually involving Christopher Lambert running around a glen with Sean Connery. Now, having seen it, I can understand why it's got fans- the excessive sword fighting alone appeals to several nerd demographics, myself included. (I've been cursing myself for not going on the Spain trip in high school. Everyone always stopped at Toledo. And always brought back swords.)

So what's the deal with Highlander? Basically, Connor Macleod (played by Christopher Lambert, who I guess is an American born French actor who ends up sounded more German than Scottish a lot of the time. Go figure) is a Scottish highlander from the 14th Century who discovers that he's immortal. With the help of Sean Connery (playing an Egyptian named Ramirez. Go figure again.) he learns the 4-1-1 on the whole being immortal thing. Basically, there are bunches of immortals running around the place. They can't have children, they can't die and they're all heading towards something towards 'The Gathering' which will decide who wins 'the Prize.' Despite the fact that some of them are BFF's, they're all fated to battle it out for 'the Prize' and the only way to win 'the Prize' and kill an immortal is to decapitate them. So as you can imagine, heads tend to fly in this movie.

In parallel to Macleod's 16th century discovery of his immortality and the consequences of it (he gets banished from his village, has a loving marriage but has to bury the love of his life and gets very lonely as a result) we flash forward to 1980s New York City, where after leaving a pro-wrestling match in Madison Square Garden, he is confronted by an Iman Fasil (Peter Diamond). They fight, Macleod decapitates him and a resulting energy surge wrecks up the parking garage. Macleod almost gets away but the police take him in for questioning which introduces him to Brenda Wyatt (Roxanne Hart), a forensics investigator who's also a specialist in ancient metallurgy and an old enemy the Kurgan (a very menacing Clancy Brown) shows up for the final showdown with Macleod. I'll let you guess how that turns out but it culminates with the obvious and bad-ass assertion on the part of our hero that "There can be only one."

For an 80s movie, this didn't actually seem that dated. Super-bad special effects aside and the arcane forensics equipment that Brenda has to use aside (circa 1986, I guess) the only other thing I noticed was that this movie was backlit to beat hell and there was a lot of smoke and/or fog around the place in conjunction with this- like, everywhere. I know New York is the city that never sleeps and if there were that many floodlights shining through doors, windows, warehouses and generally illuminating the shit out the place and making it seem like noon at midnight that might just explain why. Just saying. Oh and I object to any so-called Scotsman ordering a Glen Morangie on the rocks. Especially since it didn't even come in a whiskey glass. That just ain't right.

Overall: This was decent- maybe even good. I can dig Scottish immortals and decapitations and although there are more movies and a television show lurking somewhere continuing the story, I'd follow Macleod's advice- don't lose your head and remember there can be only one- movie that is. (*** out of ****)

'God Bless America' --A Review

There's something monumentally disturbing about this film and yet, you can't help but find yourself laughing at it now and again. A satirical dark comedy written and directed by Bobcat Goldthwait, the satire in this is biting, vicious and hits all of it's targets right between the eyes. God Bless America is the story of Frank Murdoch (Joel Murray) a divorced insurance salesman whose neighbors keep him up at night with their loud and obnoxious behavior and screaming baby. He suffers from insomnia and chronic migraines and he's at the end of his rope- he fantasizes about killing all three of his neighbors (including the baby in a shocking 'WTF' type of a sequence) so he can finally get some peace and quiet.

Instead, he wakes up late for work and winds up getting fired after a misguided attempt to be nice to the office secretary winds up with him being accused of harassment after he looked up her address to send her flowers. His ex-wife (Melinda Page Hamilton) is remarrying her new boyfriend. His young spoiled daughter (Mackenzie Brooke Smith) wants nothing to do with him and to top it all off, his totally disinterested Doctor informs him he has an inoperable brain tumor. Soon enough Frank finds himself ready to commit suicide but stops after seeing a spoiled sixteen year old (on a program not unlike 'My Super Sweet Sixteen') raging at her parents for not getting the right car.

Epiphany had, Frank tracks her down and handcuffs her to her steering wheel and attempts to ignite her gas tank. When that doesn't work, he shoots her at point blank range. One of her classmates, Roxy (Tara Lynne Barr) sees this, follows Frank back to his hotel and soon enough has joined him on a Bonnie and Clyde like killing spree across America- though Frank insists he 'only wants bad people to die.' So, a Tea Party protest- gone. A bunch of teenage punks that start using their cell phones in the theater? Gone. A church protest group not at all unlike the Westboro Baptist Church? Gone. A douchebag who takes up two parking spaces? Gone. A shitty television host that's a weird combination of Bill O'Reilly and Rush Limbaugh? Gone. And finally, after a William Hung like contestant on a show quite like American Idol is subject to ridicule for the grand finale, Frank shoots up the live finale. (He and Roxy split up for a little bit after Frank finds out she lied to him about being abused by her parents but she returns to join him for the final shoot-out.) Of course, he and Roxy go out in a Bonnie and Clyde blaze of glory...

You'd think this would be ultra left wing porn, but it's not. There's something fundamentally conservative about this movie- as Frank channels Howard Beale in a rant before his final shootout bemoaning the denigration of American culture and ranting about how the meanest and shallowest qualities are now the ones most glorified by the culture and how he doesn't see the point of having a civilization when nobody wants to be civilized anymore. While Goldthwait correctly smacks the far Right for their part in the denigration of the culture, he also savages the permissive parenting and frankly crappy television that have emerged from the decidedly left wing Hollywood. (Frank is outraged by a show called 'Tuff Girls' an obvious send-up of the Bad Girls Club where one cast member throws a used tampon at another for defecate in her food.)

It seems somewhat ironic then that God Bless America is trying to make serious points about the lack of decency and the new crudity of our degenerate culture while sending its characters on a fairly graphic shooting spree- but overall, the message is a strange, thought-provoking echo back to the sentence that helped bring down Joe McCarthy: 'have you no decency, sir?' Goldthwait is asking that question of all us, knowing that the answer is that if we do have decency left, there's probably not a lot of it we use.

Overall: Thought-provoking, funny and decidedly unsettling- because you can look around at the chaos in our society and in our culture and although Frank's response may look extreme, you find yourself wondering if he's really that crazy after all. (**** out of ****)

'The Expendables' --A Review

You remember the old Peanuts cartoons where all the grown-ups spoke in that 'wa wa wa waaaa wa waaaaaaa' voice? That's sort of what this movie is like. The words the actors as speaking as more or less irrelevant as the truly ridiculous amounts of explosions, fights and gun violence revolves around them on screen. That's not to say it's a bad movie by any stretch of the imagination. Roger Ebert and his ilk may from time to time look for deep meaning in a movie but now and again, you just want to say it 'fuck it, pass the popcorn' and if those movies are your kind of movies, then The Expendables is the perfect movie for you.

A truly ridiculous collection of action stars assembled for this movie: Sylvester Stallone, Jet Li, Jason Statham, Dolph Lundgren, Randy Couture, Stone Cold Steve Austin, Terry Crews, Mickey Rourke with cameos by Ah-nold and Bruce Willis. The fact that Eric Roberts and Charisma Carpenter are also in this seems kind of irrelevant given the rest of the cast.

The plot, well, damn. I'm not sure there was much a plot. Let's just say a small South American island has been taken over by an asshole General/Dictator and the CIA would like him dead- enter Stallone and his motley crew of New Orleans based mercs who take on the job, only to find that their real target is the rogue CIA agent running the whole place behind the scenes (Roberts). Mayhem, predictably, ensues.

Overall: This is a glorious tribute to the action movies of the 1980s that's also a ridiculous amount of fun to watch. Don't go looking for substance just crack a beer and enjoy it. (**1/2 out of ****)

'Jiro Dreams of Sushi' --A Review

I've been trying to fight off a cold for the past few days and this morning it took a decided turn for the worst. My throat hurt like a bastard and I sounded and probably looked a lot like Ethel Murman- which probably isn't that good of a thing as I think she's been dead for awhile now. So, I called in sick to work today, loaded up on Vitamin C an Day Quil and hopefully will get this damn thing under control. Netflix ensued.

I'd been wanting to see this documentary since I saw a preview for it a few months back and had been cursing my ineptitude for missing it when it was at the Bijou last month. So it was a pleasant surprise to find it on Netflix instant this morning and I watched it- immediately.

Following the story of a Master Sushi Chef in Tokyo, Jiro Ono who is 85 years old and still on a quest to produce the perfect sushi. His restaurant is a tiny, ten seat affair in a subway station near Tokyo's Ginza District and has been rated three stars in the prestigious Michelin guide which is about as good as you can get. His younger son, Takashi has already left and opened his own restaurant and his older son Yoshikauzu is facing the prospect of taking over his father's restaurant when he dies or retires.

What struck me immediately was how beautifully this film was shot. Every piece of sushi, every slice of fish looks like a work of art and in fact,t he view quickly sees that the craft of sushi as practiced by Jiro and his sons is just that- an artform. Jiro himself freely admit that he fell in love with his chosen occupation years ago and believes that once you find a dream occupation, you should work as hard as you can at it to achieve true success. He dreams of sushi and looking at his handiwork, it's not hard to see why. He's 85 years old and his entire life has been dedicated to one thing: sushi.

You almost feel sorry for his sons and the apprentices he's trained (the training his pretty hardcore, it lasts ten years) but the interesting twist at the end of the film is when Jiro reveals that the sushi is mainly done by the time it reaches him these days- and the food writer Yamamoto also reveals that he had heard that when Michelin was judging Jiro's restaurant it was the son Yoshikauzu who had done most of the preparation- using the techniques that Jiro had taught him. All of which leaves the movie hanging on the interesting question: who's the real Sushi master?

The cultural aspects of this are interesting as well. There seems to be a real respect for craftsmanship in Japan that is lacking elsewhere. (One of the main bartenders up at the Marvel Bar in Minneapolis trained in Japan- the elegant touches and artistry of the cocktails that resulted are an eerie echo to this movie.) And it's almost funny the amount of dealers that Jiro has. He's got a Rice Dealer (seriously) and a Tuna Dealer (tuna are freakin' huge. They look like pot roasts or freakin' hunks of beef.)

Overall: A beautiful, fascinating portrait of one man's life in sushi Well worth watching. (**** out of ****)

Back From The Medium White North

Yes, the Missus and I escaped for a Labor Day Weekend excursion to the Twin Cities for some R and R and fun time before the twin scourges of the semester (for the Missus in third semester of Nursing School) and football season (for me, the Iowa State game opens Iowa's season this Saturday! My Birthday! Just in time for my shift! I LOVE my job, did I mention that?) take over and eat the next few months.

Anyway, it was a great time! Pics from the MN State Fair will be forthcoming and I feel like cocktails have been forever ruined for me after visiting the Marvel Bar in the North Loop District (most amazing cocktails I've ever tasted. Seriously.) but a couple of things I noticed at the State Fair seemed exciting and interesting enough to mention:

The first is FairVote Minnesota... this blew my mind a little bit because it's an effort to change the voting system in the Medium White North to a ranked choice systems (ranking candidates in order of preference) and- and here's the big news- it's got the backing of the DFL Party up there. (That's Democrats for the non-Minnesotans reading this.) Having checked out the website I can say if they get this done, I want to move back to Minnesota. If they need help doing this, I would drive to Minnesota to get this done. Love, love, LOVE this- why? Well, it's a bit wonky, but basically the website's right. A Ranked Choice system would force candidates to appeal to more than just a narrow base of voters. And candidates that can speak to a majority of people is something we need and badly on the national level. Really hope they can get this done and spark something that will percolate nationwide.

The second is the same sex marriage amendment that's going to be on the ballot up there in November. I'm optimistic about this because the pro-marriage equality people look motivated, well-organized and have their collective shit together for what's probably the first time ever in one of these fights. Just look at the website: Minnesotans United For All Families and their selling point is 'Vote NO: Don't Limit The Freedom To Marry.' Whoever designed this campaign- I want to give them a hug! And possibly buy them a beer... they've placed the issue of marriage equality on the side of families and are couching their opposition to this amendmant as 'limiting freedom.' If the Great Minnesota Get Together (as the State Fair is known) is any indication, there's a lot more VOTE NO people out there than VOTE YES. This is going to be interesting to watch come November. (I seriously might buy a t-shirt to support these guys. I love it when people have their shit together on stuff like this. Just makes my day. We'll have to see how it works in November but I hope the rest of the country is paying attention.)

In short, I miss the Medium White North. The Missus and I might have to see what the future brings but I wouldn't be opposed to moving back.