What I'm Missing

Oh, the things you miss when you're at work. Our Old Roomie sent this to me not that long ago- the Google Streetview Car driving down my street!

Never mind that, there's also the matter of this fantastic day outside that I don't get to see a lick of. I understand why they put us where they put us (on a hill to avoid floods and in a basement to avoid tornados, both of which Iowa City has experienced in the past decade) but being in a windowless bunker of a room wears on you now and again.

These early weeks of October are really the perfect moments of autumn, to me. The weather is still warm but the cold is starting to creep in at night and everything is still bright and alive with color before the leaves really start to come down and the muted shades of late autumn and early winter begin.

If you're trying to avoid watching television tonight, let me suggest this aperitif: Miguel Cabrera of the Detriot Tigers will, in all likelihood clinch baseball's Triple Crown tonight. He'll be the first player to do it since Boston's Carl Yastrzemski in 1967- tune in and watch history, kids. Beats the alternatives, right?

(P.S. BTW, doing something crazy either to my front yard, house or myself as the Google Street Car passes by has now made my Ultimate Bucket List. Your challenge is accepted, Google. Game on.)

Best of the Area's Annual Insanity

Yes, it's the annual voting period for the Press Citizen's Best of the Area (2012) and things are getting way out of control! I mean, Best Place To Have Kid's Birthday Party? Best Place To Enjoy Nature? I typed out my choices on a Word Document while I voted and single spaced it ran to a page and a half. So here you go, The Cigar's choices for the Best of the Area:

Best New Restaurant: Michoacana Taqueria (serious good tacos- and not at all spendy.)

Best Overall Restaurant: Atlas
Mexican Restaurant: El Banditos
Coffee Shop: T-Spoons
American Food: Short’s
Italian: Givanni’s (putting an asterix in this one. Haven't been to Basta or Baroncini yet and wasn't going to pick the Olive Garden.)

Chinese: Taste of China (I judge my Chinese food on the taste of their crab rangoons, General's Chicken and Orange Chicken. And yes, I still miss Easy Place Chinese Food. Anyone else remember that place?)

Japanese: Oyama
Thai: Thai Spice (LOVE the moo pad prik. And now I'm craving it.)
Indian: Exotic India (Vindaloo! And their buffet isn't bad either.)
Romantic Dinner: Blackstone (Think the Missus and I need to expand our repertoire of romantic dinner spots. Will work on that.)

Family-Friendly: Hamburg Inn
Pizza: Pizza on Dubuque (Went in here not that long ago- and they've raised their game. It was a sentimental choice as POD was my go to post bar food as an undergraduate but they're better than ever and delicious to boot!)

Ice Cream: Heyn’s (East side!)
FroYo: YoTopia (#SupportLocal I ain't no Leaf Peeper- Aspen or Orange!)
Breakfast: Hamburg Inn
Bakery: Yorkshire Lass Bakery (Shameless Plug! IC Peeps, get your orders in!)

Hamburgers: 2Dogs (Another asterix here. Short's has good burgers but 2Dogs has more creativity and I have yet to try George's Buffet.)

French Fries: Oasis
Falafel: Oasis
Best Wings: The Vine
Best Salsa: La Reyna (this was my first eye-rolling moment. I mean, who thinks about salsa?)

Best BBQ: The Pit (Jimmy Jack's and The Pit can trade this back and forth.)
Vegetarian: Oasis
Sushi: Oyama
Margaritas: Los Portales
Martini: Blackstone
Mediterranean: Oasis
Bar: Sanctuary (Think the Quiet Man and I need to get another Townie Bar Challenge in the books...)

Art Gallery: AKAR (Um... OK? AKAR is an interesting place, I guess.)
Festival: Arts Festival
Live Entertainment: Blue Moose (Saw Fun. there with the Missus. Awesome time.)

Tattoo Parlor: Nemesis (Old School Jeff FTW!)
Theater Group: Riverside Theatre (Yeah, this was another random pick.)
Bookstore: Prairie Lights (Haunted Bookstore was a close second, but sentiment wins again and PL is an old haunt.)

Grocery Store: John’s (For the beer, duh.)
Pet Store: Petco (Adopted 2 cats from PetCo. So much better than Petland.)
Women’s Clothing: Revival (Because Von Maur gets NO VOTES FROM ME! Traitors.)
Men’s Clothing: Ewers (See above)
Consignment Store: Ragstock
Gift Shop: Silver Spider
Jewelry Store: Hands
Hardware Store: Menards
Furniture Store: McGregors
Car Dealer: Carousel
Bank: US Bank
Vet: Bright Eyes and Bushy Tails (AWESOME PLACE! Love these guys! Caring, friendly staff and just awesome service.)

Optical Store: Eye Associates
Salon: G-Spot
Barbershop: Hawkeye Barbershop (There are still barbershops?)
Tanning Salon: Electric Sun (At this point in my ballot, I stopped caring.)
Fitness Center: CRWC
Auto Repair: Lovetinsky Harapat (Decent, quick and didn't screw me over.)
Yoga: Heartland Yoga
Dance Studio: Kate Carol & Company
Martial Arts Academy: Hawkeye Brazilian Ju-Jitsu (I've always wanted to learn Capoeira.)

Best Place For A Kid’s Birthday Party: Iowa Gym-Nest (How about this: your own damn house! Seriously?)

Playground: Downtown Ped Mall (I disapprove of the new stuff. The old stuff was so much better- but it's still kind of cool.)

Park: Hickory Hill
Bikes: Geoff’s Bike and Ski
Trail: Hickory Hill
Place To Enjoy Nature: Hickory Hill
Outdoor Store: Active Endeavors
Golf Course: Finkbine (Because I play LOTS of golf. Yeah.)

So there it is, the insanity that is the Best of the Area. If you're super, super, super bored, then fill out a ballot! Remember: You gotta vote!

Late Night Chronicles 86: The Tosh.0 Election

Author's Note: The triumphant return of the Late Night Chronicles! Pried loose from Facebook and moved here where they're going to stay.

I feel like this election should be called the Tosh.0 election. It's October, the Presidential Debates are finally here and the race has boiled down to a competition over which side can come up with more footage and supposed gaffes on the other guy before election day. At this point in the cycle, it's just exhausting and really, really, really makes me want to vote for Peta Lindsey or (more plausibly, knowing me) Gary Johnson. I mean, if this is what the election is going to be about then yes, voting for either the President or Mittens will be a massive waste of my time.

I don't care about Mittens' dog. I don't care about his whole 47% schpeel which is being treated almost as if he beat little puppies to death on Live with Kelly and Michael by the media. (BTW: He wasn't totally wrong on that- we've got a billion dollar industry dedicated to helping Americans avoid paying anything in taxes. Makes it a little hard to fund education or health care or anything much for that matter if we're all getting refunds... just sayin') I didn't care about then Candidate Obama's remark about people getting bitter and clinging to their guns and religion either. (BTW: he wasn't totally wrong about that either.)

Yes, it's become a battle of what damning sound-byte can be leaked to the media first. It's become a war of grainy YouTube videos as each side tries to find that one inglorious video which will forever tar the other side with it's content. At this point, it wouldn't surprise me if videos of Mittens attempting the Cinnamon Challenge start warring with videos of the President wiping out after a really funky trick on a skateboard. It wouldn't shock me if Daniel Tosh ends up moderating the final Presidential debate. This shit is getting that stupid.

To be honest with you, kids, we don't have time for this. If America was a video, let's just say we're at the point where the motorcycle is in midair or the skateboarder is about to sail out into the middle of a street they think is empty. You know the window for a happy ending to things is closing rapidly and in fact, the probability that things are going to end messily is growing by the millisecond.

I for one, would like to avoid ending up mangled and bruised in a heap on the ground with the nation's femur poking out for all too see. But to do that we need leaders that are willing to get the big things done. Before you start- yes, I suppose health care was big. But entitlement and tax reform should have been bigger- those are the straws that will break the fiscal back of our governmental camel and it's getting to a point where radical, distasteful, painful decisions are going to be the only ones we've got left. We're a nation of 19th Century institutions with a post-war welfare state staggering forward into an increasingly fast-moving 21st Century. Our institutions can't keep up- and that's the problem that nobody is talking about.

Instead, Drudge is giving boners to every political journalist in the country right now (yes, right this instant) teasing a speech that President Obama gave years ago.* Yes, that's what's important right now, kids- a speech he gave in 2007. Sigh. I'm finding it harder and harder to summon up the will to give a shit anymore. I'd vote tomorrow if I thought it'd get these damn political ads off my television and my computer screen but it won't. And despite how refreshing it is to have a Presidential candidate (well, and a President for that matter) speak to my generation and the issues we care about directly, I no longer believe that four years of Mittens or four more years of the President is going to make the blindest bit of difference either way.

Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe you can all find me in 2016 and rub my face in it. Maybe you'll be able to tell me that marriage equality has been achieved for all Americans, that marijuana has been decriminalized and legalized in some places, that the Federal Government has a surplus again and our tax code has been reformed top to bottom. Maybe you'll tell me that a free and democratic Syria has taken its place next to a free and democratic Libya. Maybe we'll be able to tell our children that the world is a safer place than it was four years ago and the economy is chugging away again and maybe there will be a little hope out there.

But I doubt it. If you're fighting graviy, I'd bet on gravity because right now, the motorcycle that is America is in mid-air and if we're going to stick this landing we need Evel Knieval to pull it off otherwise, it'll be blood, guts and bone fragments everywhere and someone, somewhere will just look at us and laugh.

*Behold, the shocking video. If I could type myself blowing a raspberry in the general direction of this foolishness, I would.

120/95

So- to those of you just tuning in- I made a bucket list of things I wanted to do before I turn 30 and amongst them was a fervent desire to lose at least 30-40 pounds. If I could make it an even 50, that'd be great, but I'll start slow and see where we get to was my thought at the time.

And I've been failing on that front ever since. I start the year (like so many others) full of joy and motivation all of which is gone usually by March. Then things get sparse and spotty, visits to the gym get rarer and eventually, I just get busy with other things.

Well, a visit to the Doctor today might well by the inspiration I'm looking for because apparently my blood pressure is creeping up. The wife thought it might be my Hulk-like rage at having to wait for nearly forty-five minutes just to get two health forms signed but it's not. The fact is, my BP is creeping upwards and that ain't good- and I know exactly what's doing it. When I'm busy or tired or stressed, I have this unfortunate tendency to eat, well, crap. (Not literally crap, ewww...) And most of it is high in sodium and god knows what else so it's not really that much of a surprise. When I'm busy, I get tired and when I'm stressed I get lazy and I just want the easiest option available which isn't always the healthiest.

I go back to the Doctor on November 8th and I'm under orders to severely limit salt (I don't really salt my food at all) and lose weight (something I wanted to do anyway.) Hopefully this is going to be the motivation I need to kick this thing in the ass. That 2,906 mile challenge I set myself at the start of last month? So far I'm up to 7 miles.

Time to kick this into high gear. And resist the urge to eat something deliciously unhealthy for me.

Bookshot #53: La Place De La Concorde Suisse

I begin to see why The Quiet Man loves John McPhee so much- the man is amazing, plain and simple and is fast becoming one of my favorite writers. While Encounters With The Arch Druid was a fascinating look at the impact of development on the unspoiled wildernesses of America, La Place de La Concorde Suisse plunges the reader into the fascinating world of Switzerland- and their army.

When one thinks of Switzerland, you don't really think of it as being an overly militaristic place. Dodgy banking regulations, excellent cheese and chocolate, crazy good watches and that fantastically neon currency of theirs, yes- but military prowess? Military power? Not so much.

And that's precisely the way the Swiss like it. McPhee tags along with a variety of citizen soldiers (as all Swiss Citizens have to do stints in the army) and explores the origins of the Swiss Army, how it came to be so important and such a vital party of the national fabric of Switzerland and slowly reveals just how expensive and costly an attempt to conquer Switzerland might be for someone.

Basically, the Swiss became the best soldiers because they had to be. Sitting in the middle of Europe they've had various hungry empires, Emperors and countries eye them up from time to time so defense of the Cantons that make up the Swiss Confederation became extremely important. They quickly developed a reputation as being the best mercenaries in Europe (because if you don't have a lot of fighting to do at home, you might as well get lots of practice abroad...) and the Vatican picked up some Swiss Mercenaries a few centuries back and has kept them- go to the Vatican and you'll see the famous Swiss Guards there to this day.

(Interesting bit of legal chicanery I didn't know: all Swiss mercenaries apparently had a loophole in their contracts- if Switzerland was attacked, they went home automatically to defend it. So as many countries came to rely on and use Swiss mercenaries frequently, the idea of attacking the place could kind of screw one over, depending on how many Swiss mercenaries you used.)

The entire Swiss military philosophy has been built around the idea of convincing various power-hungry countries that invading Switzerland would be so costly in terms of money and blood that it just isn't worth it. The geography helps a lot- as who wants to try and get an army through the Alps? But the fanatical devotion to the preservation of country and the sheer amount of practice means that the Swiss as a nation are very well trained (in as close to live-fire conditions as they can manage) and have obssessively planned for every possible eventuality. It also helps that their entire infrastructure is wired to blow in the event of an invasion- from chunks of bridges designed to collapse to rockslides waiting to be triggered to airstrips high in the Alps- they're ready for anything.

True story: my Godparents live in Switzerland not far from Geneva and in their basement is an honest to goodness nuclear fallout shelter. All Swiss houses have them- and McPhee hints that there are probably whole complexes buried beneath the Alps in case of nuclear war. If that happens someday- which I hope it doesn't- I have no doubt it'll be the Swiss that will be rebuilding civilization.

(Another thing I didn't know: Switzerland only appoints Generals in times of grave national Emergency- so far, there have been four of them.)

Overall: Fascinating, just fascinating- a portrait of a country so devoted to preserving it's neutrality and protecting its own that it's one of the most quietly militarized societies on Earth. McPhee does it again- I felt like I was reading a novel packed to the brim with delicious knowledge cookies. McPhee wrote my face off- and yes, I do want to read more of him. If you haven't read this brilliant writer yet, you don't know what you're missing.

New Look. Sort of.

Soooooo...

Loaded Photoshop onto my computer- something I haven't used since high school and manufactured a pretty good header for this blog o'mine only I seem to have missed a step somewhere along the way since it doesn't want to import my newly created image. Damn you, Photoshop!

So, a still newer, snazzier look is forthcoming. Soon as I figure out how to import the new header.

(BTW: did my Photoshoppin' to the tunes of Matt and Kim who were recently in Iowa City for a concert on the Pentacrest- alas, I was trapped in my bunker and unable to go. But between the old folks getting rowdy at Grand Funk Railroad and the foot stomping infectious upbeat pop of Matt and Kim, I think it would have been a good time. Seriously. These guys are starting to worm their way into my brain a little bit, like space slugs from the Wrath of Khan.)

Coming Soon...

Blogging has been light lately and for that I'm sorry- I've been slowly dragging myself out of a writing slump and I'm working on a re-design of the blog overall to freshen the place up a bit.

So no, I haven't forgotten about you, dear Reader(s)... in the meantime enjoy this fascinating XKCD and see if you can discover its secrets, here.

47%

Is anyone else sick of the media? I don't know what's going on anymore and I feel like I'm living in a gigantic fishbowl. (The election? Damned if I know who's going to win. Go to the polls and you'd think Obama. Do a little digging and if they're right that pollsters are using models from 2008 instead of 2010 then the whole thing could be flawed to beat hell! Who knows what's really going on!) Go to a mainstream media website or a left-leaning blog and you'd think President Obama was cruising to victory. Go to conservative media and blogs and you'd think Romney is still hanging in there waiting for his inevitable victory. All the media keeps throwing up is bullshit minutia, week after week after week. The latest:

"There are 47 percent of the people who will vote for the president no matter what. All right, there are 47 percent who are with him, who are dependent upon government, who believe that they are victims, who believe the government has a responsibility to care for them, who believe that they are entitled to health care, to food, to housing, to you-name-it -- that that's an entitlement. And the government should give it to them. And they will vote for this president no matter what. ... These are people who pay no income tax. ... [M]y job is not to worry about those people. I'll never convince them they should take personal responsibility and care for their lives."

First of all- and leaving aside the fact that I don't care all that much, why is this quote any different from this one:

"You go into these small towns in Pennsylvania and, like a lot of small towns in the Midwest, the jobs have been gone now for 25 years and nothing’s replaced them," Obama said. "And they fell through the Clinton Administration, and the Bush Administration, and each successive administration has said that somehow these communities are gonna regenerate and they have not. And it’s not surprising then they get bitter, they cling to guns or religion or antipathy to people who aren’t like them or anti-immigrant sentiment or anti-trade sentiment as a way to explain their frustrations."

Remember this one? This is the quote that people were convinced had cost President Obama the election in 2008. It didn't and by and large, it didn't matter all that much.

So where does that leave us? One candidate thinks we're entitled layabouts and the other thinks we're clinging to our guns and religion. (Yeah, the Cigar is based in flyover country so that makes me one of the unwashed masses to the coastal elite, I guess) And here's the thing: 47% of Americans don't pay any income tax. Romney wasn't wrong about that. And we can be a bunch of entitled whiners when we want to be, myself included (I did sign that 'shovel ready stimulus' thing that floated around the internet a few years back calling for student loan forgiveness.) And 47% of the people who are going to vote on Election Day have probably locked themselves into to voting for President Obama.

Not a lot of what Mittens said is actually wrong. The fact that 47% of the country pays no taxes is a huge problem as is the billion dollar industry that's sprung up dedicated to helping Americans wring every last sent out of the government. We're all about tax avoidance in this country. It's what we do.

But how do you pay for ObamaCare if half the country isn't paying into the government at all? How do you make better public schools? How do you keep the lights on?

For the privilege of living in a free nation, we should pay just a little bit. Oliver Wendell Holmes famously said that taxes are the price we pay for living in a civilized society. Though given the level of discourse that we see in our culture and in our society today, it should surprise nobody that 47% of the people don't pay. I'm surprised that 53% actually do.

Tragedy In Manchester

Two female police officers were gunned down in Manchester, England today after they responded to a report of a break-in, the suspect emerged from the house fired ten shots at them and then threw a grenade at them. Both officers Fiona Bone, 32 and Nicola Hughes, 23 were unarmed.

This is headline news in the United Kingdom and is being described as the worst atrocity against the police over there in fifty years. Suddenly, Kate Middleton's breasts don't seem that important at all.

I'm not going to get into a debate about guns but it strikes me that if we rely on police officers to put their lives on the line to protect other people, they need to have the proper tools to protect themselves.

My thoughts and prayers to the colleagues, friends and family.

Bookshot #52: 2312

2312 is the story of Swan Er Hong, granddaughter of the Lion of Mercury who gets caught up in a political conspiracy that sweeps up the entire solar system in its wake. By the early 24th Century, humanity has spread out through the solar system, terraforming Mars and settling Mercury (where the only city, Terminator runs on tracks around the planet keeping it just behind the sunrise) and the other planets and hollowing asteroids to travel about the place in and amuse themselves. At the center of the growing trouble is messy old Earth, ravaged by climate change where billions still struggle and many species have long since gone extinct.

When Terminator is destroyed in a surprise attack, Swan and her friend (and romantic interest) Fitz Wahram from Saturn are caught up in a race to untangle it all. From the outer moons of Saturn and Neptune to Earth, the rapidly transforming landscapes of Venus a mystery unfolds that will eventually change the fate of humanity as a whole.

It hard to unpack a Kim Stanley Robinson book. Part of the reason I enjoy his writing so much is that his books are sprawling and absolutely chock full of ideas. Whether you agree with his ideas or not he makes you think about them and I like authors that take the time to challenge their readers in that respect. Robinson's futures- as we saw with his Mars Trilogy are all encompassing though he doesn't drown you with technobabble he builds a portrait- especially with 2312 of what a complete human society would look like in the 24th Century.

Some of it is a little odd (gender differences have blurred and merged) and genetic modifications are common (some people are super tall, some people are super small, some people can purr and have computers embedded in their heads.) But overall many of the problems remain the same. People on Earth struggle with poverty and lack of jobs while Florida is drowned and people tool around the canals of New York City- the old remnants of capitalism remain while the rest of the solar system has organized into a loose collectivized economy called the Mondragón (modeled on the collective economy of Mondragón, Spain- an actual thing!) Swan and Wahram eventually come to the conclusion that unless Earth is stabilized, it's instability will spread out through the rest of the Solar System with who knows what consequences. Eventually, as they push the idea of landscape restoration on the drowned lands of Earth, they bring back extinct species they had been prepared for a return to Earth. The 're-wilding' helps sparks changes in Earth and after one more brush with death and danger, the Conspiracy is unmasked and our heroes emerge... well, maybe victorious, maybe not, you'll have to read it to find out.

The idea of terraformation is probably the most fascinating idea that Robinson plays with. Will such technology ever be possible? I don't know but Robinson elevates the idea into something more grounded in the science of today so the reader is left believing that it could be possible. Ditto with space elevators- though there are actually companies today working on that technology. But the idea of living on Mercury or Venus or taking the barren moons of Jupiter or Saturn and making them places where humans can live- that captures the imagination. Whether we'll all live in the happy collectivist post-capitalist society that Robinson imagines I don't know but he effortless creates sprawling dreamscapes of novels that make it entertaining to imagine.

Overall: Another wonderful brick of a book from Kim Stanley Robinson- packed to the brim full of ideas and with a massive entertaining story to go along with it. Thought-provoking, grounded science fiction at it's best.

Endorsements Round 1: State and Local

It's an election year and you know what that means- it's ENDORSEMENT TIME here at the Cigar! I was going to try and do this in one fell swoop but I decided not too just because as of right now, I'm back on the fence for the Presidential vote and I'd like to see the debates before making up my mind one way or the other. (Well, not exactly back on the fence. Let's just say I've eliminated Mittens Romney from consideration.)

So I thought I'd start out with State and Local Issues/Races and work up from there:

The Jail: Once again, Johnson County is going to have to go to the polls to decide whether or not they want a new jail. It would not surprise me if this gets voted down again but I'm going to vote yes. We badly need a new jail. It's overcrowded and we're paying other counties to house Johnson County inmates sometimes and that ain't cheap. There's an argument to be made that if you make it bigger, well then they'll just have to fill that one up too, I suppose and I'm not indifferent to that but the fact remains- it's time. Yes to the Justice Center.

Judicial Retention Vote: OK Iowa, time to stop this right wing nonsense once and for all. The Varnum Decision did not legislate a damn thing. It interpreted the constitution to say that the State cannot deny same sex couples the right to marry. Totally different thing than 'legislating from the bench' and it's what the Court is supposed to do. I'm not usually a joiner, kids but on this issue I feel pretty damn strongly about outside money and politics messing with my state judicial system and railroading justices that were doing their jobs and doing them well. So I joined Justice Not Politics. You should too- and remember: Flip Your Ballot and Vote Yes to Retain Justice Wiggins.

State Legislature: I don't really have a specific candidate or candidates I'm backing in the race for the State House but I'd like to endorse keeping the status quo just the way it is, thanks very much. Having semi-divided government seems to be keeping the extremist idiocies of both parties in check and is keeping everybody focused on the economy, the economy and oh yes, the economy. I don't want one party or the other getting to run everything because then we'll either piss away time on things like the death penalty or gay marriage or whatever it is Democrats can come up with to annoy Our Glorious Leader and His Chief Henchwoman. So: Don't Rock the Boat, baby. Status Quo FTW!

Congress: We've got new districts thanks to the new census and some interesting match-ups to dissect. First up, the 2nd District: I have to admit, I'm pretty indifferent to the Dave Loebsack/John Archer match-up in The Cigar's home 2nd District because I'm not actually sure what Loebsack's been doing all this time other than calling me with invitations to his telephone town halls and I know nothing about John Archer other than his name. I expect I'll either vote Third Party or write in The Quiet Man or maybe Chasing Empty Pavements can get a vote. About time Iowa sends a woman to Congress anyway! Final Verdict: I say incumbency gets Loebsack through this one but trading Linn County for Scott County and throwing in Jasper County might make it tougher but overall it's the lesser of 'who cares?' in this District.

Next, The 1st District: Yes, it's a rematch between Bruce Braley and Ben Lange and it would be a whole lot more exciting if it actually did take place in a UFC Octagon. (BRALEY/LANGE II SATURDAY NIGHT ON DISH ON DEMAND! That sounds exciting, right?) Final Verdict: Braley again thanks to incumbency. If Lange can't knock him out in 2010 which was about as friendly to GOPers as you can get for an election, I'm not going to bet on him this time either. This one doesn't get my pulse racing either.

The 3rd District: This one is the MAIN EVENT of Iowa's Congressional Races and it's going to be fascinating to watch. FASCINATING. If you turn on your television election night this is the one you pay attention too, kids. It's the battle of the incumbents as thanks to a move southwards, Tom Latham finds himself in the newly drawn 3rd District against fellow incumbent Leonard Boswell in a new district that includes both Des Moines, West Des Moines, Indianola and Council Bluffs- mainly the SW chunk of the state. Final Verdict: I have absolutely no idea. Flip a coin and find out!

The 4th District: This is the only race I'd endorse for and I happily endorse former Iowa First Lady Christie Vilsack current incumbent Steve King. Because, well, she's not Steve King. Can Christie get it done? I think she's got a good chance. She has better name recognition than whomever the Democrats ran last time and I think Story County will be the lynchpin to any victory she pulls out. Final Verdict: Incumbency is strong but I smell an upset here.

Food Adventures #16: The Minnesota State Fair

For Labor Day Weekend, the Missus and I ran back up to the Twin Cities and had a wonderfully relaxing time- the highlight of which was probably visiting the Minnesota State Fair. While Iowa's State Fair tends to see what it can deep fry and put on a stick, it's counterpart in the Medium White North seems to value creativity above of all else. The highlights:

Poutine! The crazy French Canadians made it all the way down to the Twin Cities- with delicious results. Not as gut-busting as chili fries, poutine combined light gravy with cheese curds and a dash of pepper for a delicious start to our fair.

We washed it down with some milk! Then things got crazy at the International Bazaar:

This is a camel slider. Camel doesn't taste like chicken- more like a weird cross between lamb and beef I think. It wasn't bad at all though.

Then, there were the deep fried lamb testicles. They were... chewy.

And we finish things off with a delicious Belgian waffle and a French dog!

Honorable mention to Psycho Suzi's (always a good time), Thom Pham's Wondrous Azian Kitchen which was a strange but delicious Asian fusion experience (the curry spiced Cranberry wontons were amazing) and the Marvel Bar who although being challenging to find proved to make the most AMAZING cocktails ever. Pricey- but totally worth it.

All in all- amazing food and an amazing weekend!

Bookshot #51: V For Vendetta

The Cigar has taken a big step into the future. The Missus gave me a super cool birthday present:

And on that birthday present, I had a Kindle App. So I took my first hesitant steps into the future and purchased several books on Kindle and began to read them. V For Vendetta was the first one I finished.

As with all movies and books, I found that the book is far better than the movie. Famed comic duo Alan Moore and David Lloyd join forces to tell the story of a Fascist post-Third World War Britain of the late 1990s. (Thatcher's Conservatives lost the 1983 election to the Labour Party* who went for complete nuclear disarmament, thus removing Britain as an obvious target of a Third World War.) A young woman named Evey Hammond is rescued from the clutches of the Secret Police by a terrorist in a Guy Fawkes mask named only V.

V, as in the movie embarks upon a vendetta against key figures of the ruling fascist Norse Fire Party. After rescuing Evey, he destroys the Houses of Parliament and then kills three key party figures for their involvement in past atrocities. First is the Party's propaganda Broadcaster, Lewis Prothero who V drives insane by destroying his prized doll collection before his eyes. Then there's Bishop Anthony Lilliman whom V forces to eat a cyanide laced Communion wafer and finally Delia Surridge- whose remorse for her past crimes leads her to get a painless death from V.

The chaos soon grows as V takes over the government's broadcasting tower and broadcasts a speech urging people to take charge of their own lives. Evey, who was set free by V when she questioned his methods finds herself captured after seeking revenge on the gangsters who murdered her lover. Interrogated, she receives a message from a fellow prisoner named Valerie an actress who was imprisoned for being a lesbian. Inspired by Valerie's courage, Evey refuses to yield to interrogation only to find that the whole thing was a hoax set up by V to give her a similar experience to what moulded him- Evey is angry but eventually accepts her identity.

The following November, V brings his final plan to fruition, destroying the government's eavesdropping and propaganda capabilities. Chaos grows and Finch's partner Dominic figures out that V has hacked into the government's servers the whole time. Detective Finch who has been trying to capture V puts together V's plan, confronting him at Victoria Station and shooting him. Evey rather than reveal V's identity gives him a Viking funeral, blows up Downing Street and assumes his identity, while in the chaos of the collapsed government, Finch heads north, alone.

This was much darker and much deeper than the movie. I loved every minute of it and found myself wishing that the filmmakers had stuck to their guns a little more and gone for the R-rating on the movie to better capture the spirit of the novel a little more. As with Watchmen, there are plenty of ideas at play in V For Vendetta- fascism vs anarchy, dystopia vs utopia and the meaning of freedom and it makes for a dark and thrilling read.

Overall: One of the greatest graphic novels I have ever read. Hands down.

*The Labour Party's manifesto for the 1983 elections was described thusly. So Moore was needless to say, wrong- very wrong.

That Pesky Free Speech Thing

Well, that's thirteen minutes and fifty one seconds of my life I'm not getting back. This movie that the Arab world is erupting about? It's terrible. It's just beyond terrible. I don't even have words for just how terrible this movie is- if it hadn't provoked horrible, contemptible violence across the Middle East, it'd be laughable. From a film-making point of view: the acting is awful, the editing is incomprehensible and the sound editing criminally bad.

The content is just as incomprehensible. This movie, if you want to call it that accuses Muhammad of being a child molester, a drunk, a lecher, a thug, a murderer and he's apparently gay as well. There's a bizarre scene where he buries his head between a woman's thighs and make a devil go away. (What the devil is, what it looks like and why it's there aren't exactly made clear to the viewer.) Can I see why this would offend Muslims? Absolutely. But to the point where they feel the need to riot? That not so much. If you really wanted to make a hit piece of Islam you could do a lot better than this and be a lot more offensive- all of which seems to confirm the notion that whatever these riots are about, they're not about this shitty little movie.

As pathetic and offensive as this movie is, that's part of the trouble with Free Speech. Sometimes people get offended and quite frankly, I think if we're giving your country a ridiculous amount of foreign aid, you should just deal with it really- by all means, protest all you want. But riot? Mob violence? Storming our embassy? Eh... not so much. And the administration's attempt to get YouTube to take it down? Disgusting and contemptible. There should no surrender, no quarter, no compromise on free speech. And if the Middle East wants to rise up, storm our embassies and kill our diplomats in response, well then good luck to all the shiny new governments over there trying to govern their countries without American foreign aid.

You could argue that this movie is the equivalent of shouting 'fire' in a crowded theater that puts American lives at risk and I think there are relevant points to be made there but religious fundamentalism is the enemy of freedom- and I don't care if it's the Christian, Hindu, Buddhist or Muslim variety. And to face down the fanatics, you can't give an inch on your basic principles. Trying to lean on YouTube to take it down? Worst. Appeasement. Ever. And I hope YouTube tells the White House where exactly it can put it's request too.

UPDATED: YouTube came through!

2,906 Miles

OK: I've tried treadmills. I've tried running. I've tried Couch to 5k. I've tried ellipticals. I've tried the South Beach Diet and the Grapefruit Diet and I just can't seem to find a rhythm to get working out on a regular basis. So, kids, I'm going back to the drawing board: walking.

I can walk. And there's no reason I can see that I shouldn't be walking at least a mile a day- outside while the weather's good, inside when it gets colder and I can build up to longer distances and hopefully eat healthier and get some of this weight off me. We'll see how I'm doing in the New Year- I might get ambitious and start jogging then.

I honestly think my problem is that I'm starting too big. I'm not in the shape nor the age that I used to be- I can't just go and stagger through a mile run the way I could in college. Start small, build up from there. So, walking!

And I've got a goal:

No, I'm not actually going to walk across America, but according to Google Maps, it's 2,906 miles from New York City to San Francisco. Walk, bike, run, ski, skate or crawl (well, hopefully not that) it seemed like a number worth aiming for. And just to make it fun, I'll try and update my progress every month so you can see me inch my way across America (kind of).

30 For 30: One Year Left

Well, I thought this was going to automatically publish. It didn't. Now that I'm officially 29, there's 1 year left.

1. Finish My Novel
2. Get Another Tattoo
3. Publish My Novel (conventionally would be preferred, but I might be open to Kindle.)
4. Get Something Pierced Again... (I'm thinking labret. Thoughts anyone?)
5. Get Contacts Again (Eye appointment on Monday! Hopefully this will be done SOON.)
6. Go Skydiving
7. Go to a Twins Game
8. Road Trip It To Winnipeg for a Jets Game...
9. Visit All 50 States (or failing all 50, get to the lower 48 at least.)
10. Lose 30 to 40 pounds... (whatever gets me back down to the 190-200 range- and maintain it!)
11. Run a 5k
12. Attend Trekfest! (Something I've never done, despite being a fan of Star Trek!)
13. Go to a Music Festival... (either 80/35 or Lollapalooza? Farm Aid?)
14. Attend the Iowa Caucuses. (I've never actually done this. I did it in Minnesota, but not Iowa.)
15. Finish all 4,532 pages (and 12 volumes) of Winston Churchill's 'The Second World War'
16. Read something by Faulkner- and understand it.
17. Re-read The Catcher in the Rye and The Great Gatsby- and try and appreciate them.
18. Read 'Dune' and understand it... (or kind of enjoy it, maybe?)
19. Attend a Premier League game... (this would involve going back to the UK. Excellent!)
20. Attend a Major League Soccer game.
21. Attend a Civil War Re-Enactment/Commemorations of the 150th Anniversary of the War
22. Expand our backyard patio, put in a pergola and a fire pit
23. Finish off our bathroom, re-floor and repaint our master bedroom
24. Go back to Europe- Spain, Portugal, England, Ireland, Scotland, France, Greece and Cyprus are all on my wish list.
25. Become a father- I know this is dependent on any number of factors beyond my control, but I think trying should be a lot of fun... ;-)

26. Learn How To Make Bread from Scratch
27. Become a good amateur bartender
28. I'd like to take my wife on a real honeymoon
29. Improve my foreign language skills
30. I'd like to save up and get a subscription to The Economist. Probably the best news magazine out there.

Are Republicans Fooling Themselves?

Yes, yes they are- but not for the reasons that this article presents. First of all, there's this gem:

More than that, the conservative case can’t break through the left-controlled education system that has profoundly shaped the Millennials. True, youth unemployment is giving many second thoughts about Obama, yet it’s been more a matter of sapping Millennial enthusiasm than of changing attitudes and ideas.

Dude, don't call me a brainwashed tool of the Democratic Party and expect me to vote for you. I'm not an idiot and I'm a product of the education system that Conservatives now despise and this attitude irritates me. Saying to people my age, 'well, you've been indoctrinated, you're stupid' is no way to win our votes.

Second of all, if Republicans would move on some social issues, they'd be the majority party. I'm not saying total surrender on every issue, but I think we can all agree abortion should be legal, safe and rare. I think we can all agree that marriage is good and we should have more of it and until the Republican Party comes up with a sound, sane position on immigration (and the rest of these issues) they risk irrelevancy.

If they get back in, it'll be because the economy is bad. They won't stay in because whether they want to admit it or not, they're losing the long term argument.

Undecided Again

Kids, I refused to watch either of the Conventions. I think they're useless wastes of time that are little more that week-long infomercials. In a sane, real world, networks would show the nominees' speeches and nothing else. Plus, I just don't trust television. Words don't lie to you. People and gestures and television can deceive you.

So I read both speeches: Mittens' speech and the President's speech. And I'll be damned if the President didn't push me back into the undecided column again. He's got good speechwriters I'll give him that.

Gonna have to think about this one some more, kids. Lots of time left before the debates- and election day.

'Highlander' --A Review

Small, wee confession kids: I'd never seen this movie. I knew this series has a devoted cult following but I'd only seen bits and pieces of it, usually involving Christopher Lambert running around a glen with Sean Connery. Now, having seen it, I can understand why it's got fans- the excessive sword fighting alone appeals to several nerd demographics, myself included. (I've been cursing myself for not going on the Spain trip in high school. Everyone always stopped at Toledo. And always brought back swords.)

So what's the deal with Highlander? Basically, Connor Macleod (played by Christopher Lambert, who I guess is an American born French actor who ends up sounded more German than Scottish a lot of the time. Go figure) is a Scottish highlander from the 14th Century who discovers that he's immortal. With the help of Sean Connery (playing an Egyptian named Ramirez. Go figure again.) he learns the 4-1-1 on the whole being immortal thing. Basically, there are bunches of immortals running around the place. They can't have children, they can't die and they're all heading towards something towards 'The Gathering' which will decide who wins 'the Prize.' Despite the fact that some of them are BFF's, they're all fated to battle it out for 'the Prize' and the only way to win 'the Prize' and kill an immortal is to decapitate them. So as you can imagine, heads tend to fly in this movie.

In parallel to Macleod's 16th century discovery of his immortality and the consequences of it (he gets banished from his village, has a loving marriage but has to bury the love of his life and gets very lonely as a result) we flash forward to 1980s New York City, where after leaving a pro-wrestling match in Madison Square Garden, he is confronted by an Iman Fasil (Peter Diamond). They fight, Macleod decapitates him and a resulting energy surge wrecks up the parking garage. Macleod almost gets away but the police take him in for questioning which introduces him to Brenda Wyatt (Roxanne Hart), a forensics investigator who's also a specialist in ancient metallurgy and an old enemy the Kurgan (a very menacing Clancy Brown) shows up for the final showdown with Macleod. I'll let you guess how that turns out but it culminates with the obvious and bad-ass assertion on the part of our hero that "There can be only one."

For an 80s movie, this didn't actually seem that dated. Super-bad special effects aside and the arcane forensics equipment that Brenda has to use aside (circa 1986, I guess) the only other thing I noticed was that this movie was backlit to beat hell and there was a lot of smoke and/or fog around the place in conjunction with this- like, everywhere. I know New York is the city that never sleeps and if there were that many floodlights shining through doors, windows, warehouses and generally illuminating the shit out the place and making it seem like noon at midnight that might just explain why. Just saying. Oh and I object to any so-called Scotsman ordering a Glen Morangie on the rocks. Especially since it didn't even come in a whiskey glass. That just ain't right.

Overall: This was decent- maybe even good. I can dig Scottish immortals and decapitations and although there are more movies and a television show lurking somewhere continuing the story, I'd follow Macleod's advice- don't lose your head and remember there can be only one- movie that is. (*** out of ****)

'God Bless America' --A Review

There's something monumentally disturbing about this film and yet, you can't help but find yourself laughing at it now and again. A satirical dark comedy written and directed by Bobcat Goldthwait, the satire in this is biting, vicious and hits all of it's targets right between the eyes. God Bless America is the story of Frank Murdoch (Joel Murray) a divorced insurance salesman whose neighbors keep him up at night with their loud and obnoxious behavior and screaming baby. He suffers from insomnia and chronic migraines and he's at the end of his rope- he fantasizes about killing all three of his neighbors (including the baby in a shocking 'WTF' type of a sequence) so he can finally get some peace and quiet.

Instead, he wakes up late for work and winds up getting fired after a misguided attempt to be nice to the office secretary winds up with him being accused of harassment after he looked up her address to send her flowers. His ex-wife (Melinda Page Hamilton) is remarrying her new boyfriend. His young spoiled daughter (Mackenzie Brooke Smith) wants nothing to do with him and to top it all off, his totally disinterested Doctor informs him he has an inoperable brain tumor. Soon enough Frank finds himself ready to commit suicide but stops after seeing a spoiled sixteen year old (on a program not unlike 'My Super Sweet Sixteen') raging at her parents for not getting the right car.

Epiphany had, Frank tracks her down and handcuffs her to her steering wheel and attempts to ignite her gas tank. When that doesn't work, he shoots her at point blank range. One of her classmates, Roxy (Tara Lynne Barr) sees this, follows Frank back to his hotel and soon enough has joined him on a Bonnie and Clyde like killing spree across America- though Frank insists he 'only wants bad people to die.' So, a Tea Party protest- gone. A bunch of teenage punks that start using their cell phones in the theater? Gone. A church protest group not at all unlike the Westboro Baptist Church? Gone. A douchebag who takes up two parking spaces? Gone. A shitty television host that's a weird combination of Bill O'Reilly and Rush Limbaugh? Gone. And finally, after a William Hung like contestant on a show quite like American Idol is subject to ridicule for the grand finale, Frank shoots up the live finale. (He and Roxy split up for a little bit after Frank finds out she lied to him about being abused by her parents but she returns to join him for the final shoot-out.) Of course, he and Roxy go out in a Bonnie and Clyde blaze of glory...

You'd think this would be ultra left wing porn, but it's not. There's something fundamentally conservative about this movie- as Frank channels Howard Beale in a rant before his final shootout bemoaning the denigration of American culture and ranting about how the meanest and shallowest qualities are now the ones most glorified by the culture and how he doesn't see the point of having a civilization when nobody wants to be civilized anymore. While Goldthwait correctly smacks the far Right for their part in the denigration of the culture, he also savages the permissive parenting and frankly crappy television that have emerged from the decidedly left wing Hollywood. (Frank is outraged by a show called 'Tuff Girls' an obvious send-up of the Bad Girls Club where one cast member throws a used tampon at another for defecate in her food.)

It seems somewhat ironic then that God Bless America is trying to make serious points about the lack of decency and the new crudity of our degenerate culture while sending its characters on a fairly graphic shooting spree- but overall, the message is a strange, thought-provoking echo back to the sentence that helped bring down Joe McCarthy: 'have you no decency, sir?' Goldthwait is asking that question of all us, knowing that the answer is that if we do have decency left, there's probably not a lot of it we use.

Overall: Thought-provoking, funny and decidedly unsettling- because you can look around at the chaos in our society and in our culture and although Frank's response may look extreme, you find yourself wondering if he's really that crazy after all. (**** out of ****)